Ship: Lander angst
Requested by:Zady-kins
Xander's death hit Luke hard. He could barely move he was overtaken by grief. Now, he and his dead husband Xander were apart. Being separated, even temporarily hurt, but this was permanent. He could barely keep up enough strength to breathe.
His grief filled cries filled his bedroom for hours. It was more painful than anything else he'd ever experienced, and he was trembling. He was shaking, and he couldn't even look ahead of himself, his eyes still too teary to see. What could Luke do? He was haunted every night and day, thoughts of his loving, bratty, and normally angry husband. Xander consumed his mind, and that was when he thought about the sweet relief of death, he'd see Xander again.
Later, Hailey visited with Sean. The two hadn't seen him since Xander's death a week prior to this cursed one. For the first half a week, it didn't sink in that Xander was dead, and the second it fully sank in, he broke completely. It hurt him. Every single cell in his aching body was miserable.
He was in complete devastation. Hailey sat down next to Luke, who was sitting on his couch, staring blankly at the wall. She rubbed her brother in law's back as he leaned into the touch. She feels just like Xander. He thought. He was desperate just to be able to see him again, or to feel his touch.
Sean leaned into him and murmured, "You'll get through this, we'll help you." Luke nodded. "Thank you guys. You've always been so helpful. " He mumbled.
For a while, they really did help, months passed, but then Christmas rolled around. Luke sighed. "My first Christmas without Xander. " it tore him up. How could he possibly enjoy this holiday when his lover has been dead for half a year now?
He was yearning to see Xander for the holidays, he'd wanted a dog for this year, and now that dream was shattered. Luke didn't know what the meaning of life was anymore. Why even bother living? He wasn't satisfied, he was quite angry at the world for taking Alexander away from him. His husband was perfect, sweet and beautiful. Now, his husband was perfect, sweet, beautiful, and unreachable because he was dead. Every dream he had shattered his heart, as he kept hearing Xander's voice echo every time he went to sleep.
His depression was getting worse. He was on the verge of giving up. He was beginning to realize he was giving up, he just wanted to quit living and live in the afterlife with his husband forever. The silence in the apartment they shared was suffocating. Haey and Sean were too busy to drop by every week. He was always exhausted, even after doing nothing. He just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. It was the loneliness that tore him up the most. No more giggling, or flustered protesting, no more watching Xander sing or mouth the words to a song as he moved his hands to play an instrument.
Luke knew what he wanted more than anything. He wanted death. He was pleading for death. There was no point in living without Xander. He couldn't do it.
Luke sent out goodbyes before ingesting poison, and he died before Jake reached his apartment.
The others grieved but he knew he made the right decision. Right by his side, was his loving husband, Xander.
A/N: This hurt me to write lol. I'll be trying to finish current requests tomorrow, so for those of you who requested, fear not. It'll be out by tomorrow night most likely. Thanks for reading! You guys can still request, I probably just will be writing a bit slower bc of school.
