Finding the Missing Piece: Book 4

Chapter Two

Katniss POV- (Two days later)

"Katniss, are you awake?" Peeta mumbles to me during one of our sleepless nights.

"Yeah, are you okay?" I ask him softly.

"No." He chokes out.

I turn and face him, "I'm sorry." I say.

I wish I could go back and fix this all.

If I could go back in time, just once I would change this.

I wouldn't change Prim's death or my father's, I would change this huge toll on Peeta.

He lays there and sobs, our bed jerking at each cry he lets out.

Eventually, I sit up, pulling his body into my lap the best that I can and I caress his face.

"Shush, it's okay." I mumble to him, my eyes shut.

I don't want to see him like this.

"It's not okay, Katniss." Peeta cries.

I take a deep breath, "It is. Trust me." I say, and before he can say anything else I interrupt him, "Trust me, Peeta." I say again.

Soon the weeping stops, so I open up my eyes to see if he's cried himself to sleep or what, but he just lays there. His puffy eyes staring up at me, his lip in a pout and breathes through his mouth.

"I'm sorry that I can't comfort you as well as you could me." I apologize, feeling truly guilty for his state.

"It's not your fault." Peeta whispers.

I take his hand and hold it tightly.

"I love you, Peeta. I want you to know that." I say, pressing a hard kiss to his forehead.

His nostrils flare up and he looks at me, "I love you too and I'm trying but it's too hard."

"You're doing just fine. It just takes time." I assure him.

"It's been a month. I should be better now but I'm not."

"Peeta-" I start but he cuts me off.

"I'm sorry but I'm giving up."

I let a tear stream down my cheek, "You're not giving up."

"Katniss, I-" Peeta starts but I cut him off.

I bring my head up and look about the dark room, wanting to look at anything but his depressed face.

"You're not going to give up. You can't do that to me." I say sternly.

"Katniss, I'm not as strong as you. I don't know how you survived it."

I shake my head at him, "Peeta, you are the reason I survived it. You're strongest person that I know. You got me through it with Prim and you're going to get yourself out of this and I am going to help you." I say.

I take a deep breath, feeling tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I just can't do it, Katniss. I can't deal with the grief." He cries.

"Peeta, you are my rock and I wouldn't be here without you. You don't know how hard this is for me seeing you weep at night and not knowing how to fix it."

"Katniss, don't think you have to do anything for me."

"I do. I want to and I need to and I owe you that much. Maybe you're not the only one who made promises."

"What do you mean?"

"I promised myself and I promised you the day we got married to stand by you no matter what. I promised myself this way before we got married."

He just looks at me, expressionless.

"We are just getting started and I'm not giving up now." I say, shaking my head and wiping my nose.

He breathes in deeply, his breaths shaky and he nods his head.

"We are just getting started, Peeta. We have along ways to go." I whisper to him, craning my head down to his ear as his other hand rubs my back.

"It's all going to be okay soon." I mumble.

"I just miss you so much, Katniss." Peeta cries, sobs wracking his body.

I frown, "I'm right here, Peeta. I'm not going anywhere." I assure him, running my hands through his hair. He holds his hand there on my back, pressing it tightly.

"I miss us. I miss the life we had before my family died and I want it back but I don't know how." Peeta sobs.

"We're gonna get it back, together." I assure him.

I haven't even had time to worry about my nightmares or my grievances since all this happened, except that one day.

I would say it's been a relief but I would rather all this be on my shoulders than his.

Peeta doesn't deserve to go through what I do, he doesn't deserve any of this.

I want me to be the only one suffering from nightmares, not Peeta.

I know that sounds selfish but in some twisted way, I want the constant nightmares again. They haven't stopped, if anything they've gotten worse and even leaked into the day time but I have to help Peeta now.

I don't know how to explain this really.

The grievances have always been a burden on me and I've learned to live with it.

I don't want this for him and I don't want him to live with nightmares.

I want Peeta to have good thoughts and dreams.

Dreams about our future or things that make him happy.

Not about the death of his family or even himself or me.

I would rather wake to these terrible things every night for as long as I live than for him to go another sleepless night.

But there's nothing to do.

I'm going to have them for the rest of my life and so will he.

We lay there in each other's arms that night, actually managing to get a restless sleep.