Finding the Missing Piece: Book 4

Chapter Eight

Katniss POV-

"Peeta, you're slipping away from me. Do you really want us to lose everything we've fought so hard for? Don't you understand that if you don't start getting help that's what's going to happen?" I ask him, raising my voice and letting my hands fly up.

I rise from the couch quickly, my vision blackens and he holds me up, "Katniss, are you okay?"

My vision clears and I shake my head, "No, I'm not okay." I say and I walk away.

It's happened a lot lately but I ignore it.

I go up stairs and strip down, hopping into the shower.

I let the hot water run down my body and I close my eyes, holding onto the wall for support. I let out a huge groan and plop onto the floor of the tub and I cry for hours.

Peeta knocks on the door a few times but I just yell at him to go away.

"Katniss, are you sure you're okay?" Peeta asks, knocking on the door again.

"Why do you care, Peeta?" I scream as snot goes everywhere and my wet hair drips.

"Because I do. We've already had this discussion." He says softly.

I sigh and rinse off my hands, "Well, you shouldn't. You may not realize it but you're giving up on us." I cry, more tears stinging my eyes.

"I want to be happy again, Katniss but it's hard for me. I'm not as strong as you are." Peeta says softly.

"Leave me alone, please?" I beg him.

"No, I want to talk to you." He pushes.

I roll my eyes, "I don't want to see you." I say simply and sigh.

"Then unlock the door, hop back in the shower and we can talk. You don't have to see me." He says.

I want to see him though and I want to talk to him and I also want everything to be good again but I guess I'll settle for that much.

He settled a lot for me when I was down and out with Prim.

So with that, I stand up and hop onto the tile with my soaked body and unlock the door, then proceed to hop back into the shower and close the curtain.

"Okay." I say softly, the water still surprisingly steamy.

He opens the door and a cold breeze comes in from our bedroom. I hear the toilet lid shut so I think he sits on the toilet cover, which would be funny if I wasn't mad at him.

"Well, say something." I say, after a minute or two of silence.

I hear him sigh deeply, "I don't know what to say."

"Yeah, I've noticed. You barely talk to me anymore." I say, leaning against the tiled wall.

"I'm sorry but do you not remember after Prim died how you didn't talk to me at all for weeks at a time?" Peeta shoots at me.

I hold my breath, I do remember.

"Okay, but it's different for you." I try.

"Katniss, how is it different? I lost something and you did too, at least I talk to you sometimes. You wouldn't even look at me or talk to me."

He's right, but I won't let him know that of course.

I always have to win, it seems.

"But you are the one that got me through it."

"And now it's your turn to get me out of it."

I clench my fist, "I've been trying, Peeta. I even want to get pregnant just to make you happy. Does that not show you that I am trying?"

He doesn't say anything.

"You haven't even kissed me in a month, Peeta." I say, my voice softening.

"I'm sorry but you can't tell me that I'm treating you any different than you did me. If anything, I'm treating you better than you did me last year." He snarls.

"I don't care if it's different or not. I'm just trying to help you like you did me but it seems like I can't even do that!" I say.

"Give me time. You took your time." Peeta says.

"Peeta, how bad did you want a baby before? What if by the time you decide you want to try then I don't? You'll be heartbroken and I can't break your heart again." I cry.

"Katniss, stop bringing up the baby thing. That is the least of our worries right now. I've wanted kids since I can remember but I just can't yet. It's like my family is lingering over me and they want me to mourn them and even the simplest thing like kissing you feels wrong." He explains.

I hold my breath again and turn off the water.

"None of them want this for you, Peeta." I say shakily.

"How do you know?"

"Because I just do. How did you know that Prim didn't want me to mourn her forever?" I shoot back at him.

"Because I knew Prim."

"And you knew your family and besides your mother, would they want you to mourn them forever and rip apart our marriage?" I ask him.

"No, but then there's my mother and she probably wants that."

I sigh, "When has it ever mattered what she wanted, Peeta? If anything happened to you, you know she wouldn't be as sad as she should be." I tell him truthfully.

"I know that but just please stop? You aren't making anything better."

"I know, I usually make it worse if we are being honest." I say truthfully.

He stays quiet a really long time.

"Will you please get out of here so I can dry off?" I ask him impatiently.

With that he gets up and exits, letting the door slam behind him.

I let out a breath as he leaves and the outside air fills the room, making me shiver.

I get out and walk into our bedroom, luckily Peeta's not there so I quickly get dressed in nothing but underwear and his t-shirt and shut and lock our bedroom door.

I go over and lay on his side of the bed, snuggling up to his pillow and closing my eyes, letting fatigue and angst take over.