Finding the Missing Piece: Book 4

Chapter Fifty-Four

Peeta POV- (Thanksgiving Day)

Since I came back, everything's been kind of tense between Katniss and I.

We talk about it all though and instead of ignoring each other, we talk.

I still feel really depressed and bad about everything that's happened but I don't know how else to change it.

I can't change their death.

I can't change the fact I've been a total idiot with Katniss since July and it can't change the fact that I've hurt her pretty bad.

I've been up since 5am cooking.

Bristol and Carter are coming and luckily, Finnick, Annie, and Finn will get to join us too.

I'm happy to have us all together but I just wish Willow was here to have her first Thanksgiving with Carter and Finn.

I am so exhausted though.

Katniss has been up every night recently with nightmares.

It's weird, for the beginning of her pregnancy she didn't have many but as she gets further into it, she's had more and more.

I'm sure the fact I left her for two weeks didn't help.

I still don't understand what was going through my mind when I left.

I guess I just needed a break too.

As much as I hated it, I guess it was nice to get away for a while.

I worked.

I didn't talk to anyone else out there and they didn't talk to me.

I slept all day and worked a lot of the night or whenever they needed me.

It was a hard job but Katniss would freak if she knew how dangerous it is and that's honestly why they pay so well.

I got a paycheck that was pretty decent this Monday but they were pretty pissed I quit but I couldn't go back.

Katniss would've killed me if I went back, even if she wanted me to. I missed her so much and I missed home but I honestly don't know what I was thinking, other than I wanted my child to have anything she wanted, the same for Katniss.

I know that's a big part of why I left.

But it was still wrong of me in a sense.

I just wish there was some way I could get over this all.

Maybe it's like Katniss said, after she's born maybe it'll all just vanish, our problems.

She is honestly our miracle baby, in more ways than one.

Willow is literally saving our marriage and I hate to say that's the reason we stay but I think it is.

It would be easier to leave each other if we didn't have her bonding us together.

It's not that if I left or she did that we wouldn't still love each other or care about the other person because how could we love each other so much and the next day not?

Feelings that strong don't leave like that and if they do, they aren't real feelings.

I would always care about Katniss and love her no matter what happened between us but I don't want it to be like that. She is literally my whole world, she's the only one who can make me smile without even trying, even though it's really hard at times but she usually manages it. I could tell when she didn't manage it, that it hurt her feelings.