Finding the Missing Piece: Book 4

Chapter Forty-Five

Katniss POV- (Three weeks until Thanksgiving. Obstetrician's office)

"Well, everything is looking really good. Have you had any concerns?" Doctor Coles asks curiously.

"Well, I was at the beach toward the end of October. We were out there most of the day. Suddenly I got really dizzy and hot. When I stood up or walked, I saw black spots. I got in the air conditioning and drank a lot of water and I felt okay after that but Peeta was worried sick about me."

"Well, he was right to worry. Did you feel like anything was wrong with the baby? Did her movements decrease or anything unusual?"

I shake my head.

"My guess is you were dehydrated and or had a minor case of heat exhaustion." She says, shaking her head.

I shrug, guilty.

"You need to be careful. You are nearing your third trimester and at risk for going into pre-term labor and that puts both of your lives in danger." The doctors scolds me.

"I didn't feel like anything was wrong with her. It was just me but she didn't stop squirming around in there so I figured she was okay."

"And we've talked about dehydration. If you are dehydrated, your amnionic fluid levels go down and cause major complications or even death."

I hold my breath and Peeta doesn't say anything, he just stares at the ground.

"She's escaped death multiple times it seems." I mumble to myself, but everyone hears.

Peeta's head shoots up and he gives me a hurt, disappointed glare.

I shouldn't have said that because it could take one more time and she could be gone just like everyone else I loved.

Peeta and Willow are all I have left, family wise.

"Well, the next time you may not be so lucky. I haven't found anything unusual in my karyotyping or on the sonograms that is concerning but you need to be careful. Your blood pressure has a history for being high in stressful times. The few times you've come in, it hasn't been completely normal. If you don't want to risk getting preeclampsia or eclampsia then I would suggest you keep yourself on the down low for the rest of your pregancy." The doctor says.

The words feel like a slap in the face.

There's nothing wrong with her but it still hurts because I am a horrible mother already.

Since I've been pregnant, I've fallen off a horse, almost had a heat stroke, didn't eat healthy or at all, didn't sleep, my stress levels were high, I've done so many things that could've harmed or killed her and that feels worse than a slap in the face.

Even the doctor realizes this.  

"I know none of these incidents have been intentional but you really need to be careful, Katniss." Doctor Coles says, pitifully.

I just nod and Peeta doesn't say a thing.  

"You may go now if you do not have any further questions." She says and with that, I get up and leave the room and go to the car before I cry in front of anyone here.

I'm so cocky.

How could I say what I just said?

It's not Willow's fault that she's here and it's my responsibility to take care of her and myself and I'm failing.

It was a little different when I didn't know I was pregnant but I did know when I stayed outside in the sun too long and when I refused something to drink.