Finding the Missing Piece: Book 4

Chapter Three

Katniss POV- (Two weeks till Peeta's birthday, September 5th)

"Peeta, you haven't asked me in a few months." I tell him softly.

He looks up at me, knowing exactly what I'm talking about.

He shakes his head, "No. Katniss, please don't."

"Please, just ask me?" I say, completely sure of it.

It's been on my mind so much lately and before all of this happened, I had become obsessed with the idea after things got better between us.

I was going to tell him 'yes' in August but he never asked.

Now, all I can do is think about how happy it would make Peeta to have a baby.

For us to bring a new life into the world after such loss.

I've also thought about how it's possibly the only way our marriage is going to be saved at this point.

It's going to be the only way to get him out of his funk and if having his baby is what it takes, then that is what I will do.

And having a baby would help me too, I think.

It would bring us closer together and make us both happy, even if it's a little scary.

"No, because you are going to say 'yes' just so you can make me happy but it's not going to work." Peeta tells me, knowingly.

I frown at him, kind of hurt by his tone of voice.

I at least thought he would consider it or even be a little excited, knowing that I wouldn't tell him 'no' thinking he may finally get what he's wanted all his life.

Then again, I told him not to use protection a few months back and he did everything he could to assure I didn't get pregnant and succeeded.

I sigh, "Why do you think I would say 'yes'? Maybe I just wanted to keep our deal, that's all." I lie.

"Because I know you, Katniss. You wouldn't force me to ask that one question after all of this if you weren't going to say 'yes.' You hate the subject and I know you better." Peeta mumbles, a little angrily.

I feel tears well up in my eyes and my nose stings.

I am at my wits end with him.

"Peeta, I just want you to be happy. If I didn't, do you think I would want to get knocked up just to make you happy?" I ask him, completely flustered.

He comes face to face with me and looks at me, like he is trying to figure something out.

Whether he's trying to figure me out or my motives or what he's going to say, I don't know.

I look back at him, staring right into his eyes.

He's broken.

Peeta Mellark is officially broken.

I bite my lip, holding back tears.

"Please just stop, Katniss." He says when he realizes I'm about to cry.

I feel my throat closing up and I know the tears are about to flow.

I look up at the white ceiling, trying to stop the tears and Peeta puts his hand on my shoulder.

"I don't want us to remember you giving me our baby as something bad." He says softly.

I bring my head back down.

"Then what do we do?" I ask him, angry that he wants this but refuses any sort of help or anything.

He wants to get better and to remember this moment, the moment I finally agree. I guess the quicker he gets over his funk, the quicker I can make him happy, but I want to get pregnant now.

I don't have time to wait, he's been like this for over a month and I know Peeta and I know he is not going to end up going back to Mags, he can hardly stand her.

"I've tried everything I could possibly think of to fix you and this is the only thing that I know in my heart would help. What am I suppose to do?" I ask him, raising my voice and making these awful noises that come when I am really upset.

He's nagged me about this for at least a year and now, I'm basically begging because I know if I don't, our marriage is going to go even more downhill.

I don't know how much longer either of us could take this.

I could never leave him in this state but I just don't know what to do, I'm lost.

I've tried everything.

I've made him things, letters and love notes.

I've assured him everything would be okay.

I've even convinced Bristol and Carter to move back to District 12 and he still finds joy in nothing.

I don't know what else to do.

He refuses, absolutely refuses to go back to Mags and I don't blame him.

I feel like our marriage is tumbling down further than before and it's only been 5 months, not even five months yet.

He doesn't say a word.

"Then I don't know what to tell you because I'm stuck." I cry, looking down at my hands, letting my long hair canopy my face.

"I'm trying. I swear I am trying to face reality but you don't know how hard it is for me." Peeta says.

"I know how hard it is, Peeta. I experienced this twice and the first time, I didn't even have anyone to help me." I sigh, shaking my head as more tears streamed down my cheeks.

"I guess I am going to have to tell you what you told me." I mumble after a minute.

He shrugs his shoulders, "Which was?"

"If you don't want to help yourself then there's no helping you." I say and with that I walk away.

I don't know the number of times I've done this just since this all happened.

Left him, me having the last word while I go cry.

We eventually find our way back into talking some because he usually breaks down sometime in the middle of dinner or sometimes, I'll hear him in the shower, crying and I know that no matter how mad I am at him that he still needs me.

It's just a major form of karma for the months I grieved Prim.

I treated him a thousand times worse but I don't have to force feed him yet.