If I were a human, would you still love me?

Chapter 54. Secrets out.

I stared at the white ceiling, taking deep breaths, my heart was still beating loudly, as if I was still running, but I wasn't. I had stopped running a while ago. Right now I was sitting on a chair, looking at Iruma, who was quietly laying in a fluffy bed in the nurses office.

I shouldn't have trusted him. I shouldn't have believed him when he told me he felt fine, and that he would be alright. I shouldn't have trusted him when he said he would stop if he felt nauseous, but I did, I trusted him, I trusted that he wouldn't faint, and I trusted that he wasn't sick. But he fainted, and hes sick.

Maybe he didn't think he was sick? Maybe he didn't know he was going to faint? Maybe it came randomly? I asked myself, my voice speaking to me in my mind. No, he wouldn't care enough to notice. My mind replied back. He doesn't care about himself at all, does he? My mind wandered off, asking a thousand questions, not finding a fitting answer to any of them.

Why is he sick every monday? What could he possibly be doing to get so incredibly pale within half an hour each monday? Why wasn't he sick before every break and why has it never happened before five weeks ago? I took a deep breath, to vent my frustrations. I was angry. Angry he got sick every monday, angry that every monday something like this was happening and angry because he isn't taking care of himself at all, I hate it.

Not just on monday, but every day, he will put anyone and everything above himself. If he has the chance to he will do everything he can to help others, but he won't pay a single mind to himself.

I stared at his body, now peacefully sleeping in the bed, it made me even more upset. These few weeks he's been at deaths door time and time again, and why? I still have no clue and I hate it, I hate it so much.. Why doesn't he come to me and tell me whats wrong? And if he doesn't come to me, then why not to Clara? Or Lied even! He can tell everyone and anyone so why is he staying silent?

Why doesn't he just ask for help? Why doesn't he ask for my help?Thats all I want to know. Why doesn't he just tell me whats up? I mean I know he doesn't have wings, I found out about that the hard way. Even if I saw him with those wings, I know they aren't his. Im certain what I felt on that day was no mistake. I also know something happened between him and his parents, and I think he lost his wings due to them wich is terrible, absolutely terrible but its all in the past. He knows that. Whats going on is not in the past though.

I don't know whats going on, and whats making him get sick. I know I shouldn't meddle with his personal business but this is my business too. I just want him to be safe, but each time I try and keep him safe he just gets out and gets hurt anyways. Can he stop? Stop fucking around the whole time? His life isn't some kind of joke, nor is getting hurt or sick like this. And the worst thing is, he tells me hes fine. But I know he's not, and it makes me feel so incredibly sad inside. I just feel betrayed.

I layed my eyes upon the ceiling again, and then back to him. I watched him closely, I watched every move he made while laying on the bed while thinking to myself. Eventually he seemed to wake up, something I wasn't ready for yet. I was angry and upset at him, and I didn't want to start a fight.

I wanted to talk to him about it, because I don't think I can be together with someone who gets hurt like this all the time, it would kill me inside. Before I know it he will be dead. If that happens then I don't know how much longer I want to go on for. Something it feels life without him is just dull, and dead. Life would go back to how it was for me, silent without people, no laugher nothing. Just guilt, for the rest of life. I think id rather die.

Iruma opened his eyes slowly, his legs moving a bit. He then rubbed his eyes, as if he just woke up from a nap, like nothing happened. A minute later he looked around him, confused. "Where am I..?" He quietly mumbled. "The nurses office." I replied, looking away from him, not being able to stand looking at him. "Oh." He just stated.