If I were a human, would you still love me?

Chapter 55. Suck it up.

"Iruma-chie?" Clara quietly asked. "Why are you and Azz.. kissing?"

She silently stared at us, as I was laying there, shocked, my legs were still entangled with Asmodeus's on the bed. She was waiting for us to answer, but I couldn't, no sound would leave my mouth. I was completely silenced. I looked at Asmodeus in a slight panick, not having a clue what to say. I only stared at him for a split second, but I knew he had no clue what to say, he was just as lost as me, maybe even more so.

Clara slowly stepped into the room while I layed embraced into his arms. "Iruma-chie..?" She asked, her voice quiet and trembling. "Why are you two that close..?" She asked, tears making their way down her face. I quickly got off of Asmodeus, trying to explain myself in the best way possible.

"We were just hugging!" I exclaimed, trying to excuse the weird behavior, she stared at me, seeming angry. "But why were you two kissing then?" She asked, her tears falling off her cheeks onto her shirt. She was still wearing her gym shirt, as if she hadn't had time to change yet. I still didn't know how to answer her, but I tried anyways. I just hoped I wouldn't fuck it up.

"Because we are friends." I lied, hoping she would believe me. We weren't friends at all anymore, we were lovers now. "Sometimes friends kiss each other." I added. She looked at me, seeming more and more unhappy the more I answered her questions. "Then why didn't you ever kiss me?" She asked, more tears slowly trickling down her face, like ice slowly melting away when the spring breaks trough.

"I did- On the head!" I said, remembering that very moment, still making excuses wherever I could. I had no idea what to do otherwise. I sucked at lying, especially since I never actually did it. "But why not on the lips?" She asked, making it harder and harder for me to find excuses. "Because.. because I wasn't able to before and I thought you might be uncomfortable-"

"Liar." She said, cutting me off, she stared at me intensely, seeming furious. "I can't believe youd lie to me twice in one day! I trusted you, I trusted both of you!" She shouted. "Clara it isn't like that!-" I argued back, but she didn't care what I said. "First you said you'd be fine and fainted. I rushed here to try and see how you were doing after finishing my laps! I thought you were sick again! Don't you know how terrifying it is seeing you sick all the time?" She screamed, her tears falling to the ground.

"And now this aswell! Why didn't you kiss me too? Why not, Iruma? Am I not good enough? Wasn't I a good friend too?" She asked me, yelling at me. Every word hit like a bullet trough my heart, yet I argued back.

"Clara, I didn't mean it like that-"
"Then what did you mean, Iruma-chie?"
"I ment that I didn't have the time to kiss you before!"
"You always have time! Always. Im always here if you need me. And you know I love you, so why? Why didn't you kiss me? Why him and not me? Why not me?"
"Because..!"

"Because you love him, isn't it?!" She then screamed, silencing me up. I could feel my own eyes welling up tears now. Asmodeus held my hand, probably knowing I didn't like the yelling. "You don't love me at all! No matter what I do or try, you don't ever love me! Im just never enough! Not for you, not for Azz Azz not for mom, for no one! Why not? Why? Why Iruma-chie?" She sobbed.

"I do love you." I said back truthfully. My voice was quiet. She was yelling at me, and it scared me, it was as if there was a block of cement pushed down my throat. "You do?" She asked, I nodded. "I really really do, Clara. Just not in a romantical way."

When I said that, she was already halfway through the door, running out, crying. I looked at Asmodeus, who was looking back to me with a worried and sorry stare. "I shouldn't have kissed you, Master Iruma." He apologized. "Im so so so sorry." He added. I shook my head, my body shaking a bit. I wiped away tears with my sleeve. "Its not your fault Azz, don't blame yourself." I said, sniffling.