Twice's 10th Member Haeju

Meeting Haeju IRL | Part 6 END

(Haeju's POV) 

"...and after that, Chanmi went back to her home," Hannah finishes the story. I'm speechless. I look at the floor with a surge of emotions. I was trying hard to remember who this fan was during the story but now I do.

"I was such a jerk, huh?!" I utter. Hannah is going to answer that but I immediately cut it, "-I'm changed. I know it from my hear that I'm changed. I think it's not a bad thing so I try to accept it. This change makes my life easier because now I know how to deal with people but, apparently, I'm becoming harmful. I've done it too far that it becomes harmful to the people that I love. It's harmful. It's harmful to Chanmi," I say. I look at her and she looks sad along with me. Probably has nothing to say either. Then I smile to break the ice, "Haha it's fine! Thank you for the story, Hannah. I'm happy to hear another fan letter told only for me. Whatever the story they have, it's meaningful for me," I tell her.
Hannah smiles back at me. She holds my hand who's sitting on my knees, "Who says my story ends there?" she says.
"It isn't?" I ask. Hanna clears as she's going to start the story again, "This is what she told me..."

"Meeting Haeju Unnie is of the most meaningful memories of my life. I'm so grateful. Why? I didn't just meet her as a fan but I met her at a personal level. I saw her as a person who probably was going through something difficult. As someone who's probably having a hard time dealing with her inner demon. Maybe many things didn't work out for her, so she decided to change. And that's fine. It means she's giving her best to fix the situation. I'm proud of her, Unnie. Maybe I'm too young to realize how hard her life is. We've seen the other members experienced mental breakdown as well. Haeju decided to keep standing and becoming even tougher, it makes me admire her even more.

Please tell Haeju unnie that she has done a great job. After the most tiring day in my life, I ride back home crying to a happy song. It's weird to hear someone telling me to be happy. I thought all I need to do is to struggle more, to work harder, and to sacrifice myself. No. Please tell Haeju unnie that she may calm down a little bit and enjoy her life. I wish everything is gonna be okay. It will. Please be happy, Haeju unnie. You've done well. You really deserve to be happy.

I like you because I feel like my way of thinking is a lot like you. I wish this message touches you more than our last meeting. Maybe this is silly to say but...

...it was really lovely to meet you in real life."

My body is shaking listening to what Hannah's tells me. I can't hold the water just falls down from my eyes. There's no much I can comment to that story, really, but it leaves a track on my heart. I hug Hannah extremely tight. I hope I can hug Chanmi like this.

***

A few weeks later, when I'm chilling with the members in the living room, a staff texts me the good news. My melody project has been uploaded! I'm so excited that I tell everyone to see the video. Copying Nayeon's project, it's a slideshow of the photos that I have with the members and Once, with me singing one of Twice's Japanese track from BDZ album in the background and converts it into Korean. I sit on the couch, preparing my heart even I've seen it over and over before. With the members around me, I push the play button and a white italic text on a black screen appears.

For Chanmi
and all Once who are listening to this song

(a/n: highly recommended to play the song while reading this)
Twice - Wishing - Sung by Ahn Haeju

"Suddenly I look up at the sky
The pink petals from a tree are falling
All of our happy memories
Are accumulating...

The songs that you sing on my playlist
I want to hear that voice over and over
Because of my innocence
It's kind of frustrating to love you

It's painful as I thought
This feeling of being distant
And when there was a chance to meet you
I can't help but disappointed

Chorus: Words I want to say to you piles up, my thoughts as many as the number of those petals
If I hold your hand... I wonder if this distance can be reduced
Will I be able to reach your heart? Am I good enough?
I like you, I like you, even though it's unbearable
The trace of your smile, for you not to be disappeared"

"Being beside you, wishing on your love..."

I smile imagining she listens to this song. The members applaud playfully. It's not that good actually, but they're so supportive. They all say my voice sounds good. I feel relieved. I hope Chanmi likes it as well. We continue to watch the video...

"Behind the stage when I suddenly recognized
Only one thing I was concerned about you
"Are you okay?" The cold hand I held that day
Worried me a lot

Walking in line together in this path of life
With you kindly escorting me
This nonchalant gesture
To receive it, it will make me happy

Will I be able to hear it
Saying you will always by my side
Among those nightmares, I saw you
It was the most beautiful night in my life

Chorus: Overflowing with words I can't say, my feelings collected with the number of times I prayed
If I close my eyes, I wonder if this distance can be reduced
Not being able to tell you how painful it is
I like you, I like you, even though it's unbearable
The trace of your smile, for you not to be disappeared
Being with Once, you're the only one

Even with such feelings
I could never say it directly to you
Please accept this, my love letter to you
The only present for you that I can give"

Tears fall down on my cheeks. I can't give much. All this time, I didn't know if I was important in this world or not. But knowing that I'm significant on someone life, even if I only give a little impact, makes me touched. It gives me a reason to keep singing. To keep smiling, although it's not easy...

Chorus: "Words I want to say to you piles up, my thoughts as many as the number of those petals
If I hold your hand... I wonder if this distance can be reduced
Will I be able to reach your heart? Am I good enough?
I like you, I like you, even though it's unbearable
The trace of your smile, for you not to be disappeared......"

***

At the other side of the world, a girl smiling while watching the whole video. With a blanket around her body, she feels warm, as if her idol was there, talking heart-to-heart with her through a song. Involuntarily, her little mouth sings along...

"...being beside you, wishing on your love."