ShawnMendes entered Wattpad.

74

<<You may don't know, why you worry, but you do although worry.>>

I turn on my gloves. They are out of red wool – and they fit perfectly to my dark hair. One of the presents, my grandma-over-sea sent me for Christmas last year. I really like them. "You can't go now", Shawn repeats. "You really can't go."

I know, that everybody can and does listen to us, so I go with a framed smile to the door to the kitchen and dinner room and turn around to Shawn. There he stands, in his shirt and black jeans, the hair curly messy as always, the face a little bit tired as used. "I'm gonna go now", I say. "Go out of my way, so I can leave this place – your home – as fast as I can."

He doesn't move. "Mandy, did you take a look outside?"

I nod and make a step in his direction. Now, we're even more closer, and I feel directly so small and minor, as he's always making me feel. He, ‚the great Shawn Mendes'. Gosh, I am so tired of that. "I will go. Now." I take a second step, and a third, and now, I am standing right in front of him. That's so fucking near, just as in the elevator some time ago. And again, I can hardly breath. And for the first time this evening, I have the feeling, that he does not know what to say and he's irritated by the fact, that we're standing that close. Somehow, I feel the same intensity between us, as yesterday, when he brought me home. "I don't know, why you don't stop calling me a liar", I say. "It's like everything, I say is going there", I tap on the air next to his left ear, "in and there", I tap on the other side "out." I close my jacket with the zip and breath conciously deep in and out. "Look, Shawn, I don't think, we have anymore to say."

"I just don't understand, why you can't admit, that you were the one, bullying Amy, and that you gave her nearly a depression", Shawn says. "I mean – why? Look at you, you're pretty, you have a boyfriend, you don't need to make her bad, to look good in front of me. It's just riddicculus. That's a level, nobody should sink to. I mean, I am a normal human being, you know? There's no reason to treat other people mean, just to get in contact with me. I protect my friends and family, ya know?!"

And that's the moment, where I have enough. I mean, where I really have enough. Shawn Mendes. Shawn Peter Raul Mendes gave me the last weeks so many reasons to be sad, angry or to feel alone, that I stoped counting. I know, that it is Amys influence, and that it's Amy's words and poison, that it's Amy's lies, he's repeating, but he  does have an own brain, he does have an own mind – why doesn't he use it?! Is he so much in love, that he is blind? Literally blind by love?!

"I know, that you're a normal human", I spit not very quiet. "I know it, okay? I knew it, when we were writing, and I know it every moment, we're fighting. I know it, when you're misjudging me, I know it, when you're acting like a meanie, and I know it every time, I meet you and you look at me, like I am shit. I know it, okay, Shawn? I know it, and I understood it: You don't like me. And there's probably no reason for you, to do. I lied to you. Yes. But just at the beginning. And then, I was honest. I was fucking honest. But you just listen to someone, who's lying to you the whole time – every time, Amy opens her mouth, there come lies out of it – every fucking time! So now excuse me please, that I don't want to spent any more time with that ‚human being' in front of me, that appearently does hate me. I prefer spending my time instead with people that don't treat me like shit, everytime they see me. O-okay?" I push him away and open that door. Oh shit. Shit is that cold. It's so cold, that I can feel it through my gloves and my jacket. My fingertips are immediately cold. "Mandy! Wait! You can't go now outside, it's dangerous!" I can hear how Shawn's cursing, and then I am some metres away right into the snowstorm. And shit, this was a fault. I can barely see my hand, and it is so cold, that even the tears, that might would've ran over my cheeks, would be frozen. Is it minus 10 degrees? I've just gotten roundabout ten steps, then I fall on my knee. It's like in a scary independence-movie: The snow is everywhere. It's so cold.