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"Shawn Peter Raul Mendes!", the voice of Aaliyah is waking me up. "What the hell is going on here?! Oh my gosh, I really don't wanna know." Aaliyah seems to be very stunned. "I really don't get it, but I am now leaving the room. Just get yourself some clothes. My gosh! Why isn't there a warning at the door?! Something like 'warning, you're never gonna get that picture out of your head again!'"
I hear, how she's closing the door again hectically, and only slowly and little by little, the meaning of her words is getting to me.
And then, the second, I understand, I feel, that there's someone laying right behind me.

HOLY shit.
This must be a dream.
Oh. My. Gosh.
No, not a dream, it's a nightmare.
I'm not laying with Shawn Mendes (who hates me by the way) in a bed.
Oh my gosh. I must have been completely drunk, completely out of my mind. I close my eyes again for a moment, than I hear a voice, a bit darker than at day, saying: "Relax. Nothing happened. Everything is okay. I just prevented you from dying and to catch a cold. We can be enemies today again. Okay?"

I open my eyes again and slowly, I turn around to him. Shawns laying (completely dressed, as myself, as I notice very relieved), next to me and seems to be in a mixture of still sleepy and awake. Amused awake. His face's only some centimeters from mine away, so I get hasty some distance between us. I grab all the blankets and build it up, like a wall between us.

"Oh shit, do you know, how cold this is?!", Shawn curses.

I shrug. "Do you know, how weird this is?!"

"You really have to be always that bitch, haven't you?!" Shawn shakes his head. "I don't get it. Yesterday, you were nearly tame. But now?!"

"Oh yeah, I am being a bitch? Always? Really Mendes?! - And you're back to the rude boy. That's great. No really." I stand up, putting the blanket away and slipping into some kind of house-shoes. I guess, they're originally from Shawn, and he'd put them just aside - or he'd put them there for me - who knows?! With Shawn, you can't be ever sure about things like this.
But either way. He'd remind me that this - all of this - this whole situation was not a situation any of us - especially Shawn - wants to be stuck in. Gosh. If I think of the way, we'd lay in the bed - together! I'd spent the night with him, although all we did was fighting and discussing and accusing each other. And today, it all started again. Immediately. And Shawn calling me a bitch, was well, not the nicest start in the day I had recently. But it reminded me of how he'd truly think of me. That his opinion didn't suddenly magically changed overnight.

"Mandy", he says, getting up too, but I interrupt him. "No Mendes, I don't have any interest in talking to you. Thank's again for saving my life yesterday, but now: bye."

"Mandy, I didn't want to call you a bitch, I just", he doesn't end his sentence.

"But you did, Mendes. You did." I just look at him. And there he stands. Shawn Mendes. A superstar, who think's, he can call me a bitch without consequences. – And to be honest: It has no consequences – at least not for Shawn. As he showed me again and again, I'm not worth it for him to be at least polite. And he just showed me again, that he didn't change his mind, even though I told him now the absolute truth about all the Wattpad-and-Amy-thing. He's not gonna change his mind, and the last night doesn't change anything on that either. "You know, that I said the truth, yesterday, and the days before", I say now. "You know, that I am sorry. But you aren't. You really aren't sorry - as much and as often you state it. You act just like what you are: A superstar. Someone, who can depend on his fame and status, and who think's, that people will come creaching back to you even though you kick at them again and again. But I will tell you now something", I can see, how Shawns face getting from angry to surprised. Probably, nobody did ever talk to him like that. Especially nobody, he layed a night in bed with. "I'll tell you now something: We're done Mendes. - To be honest, we were already done, when I entered that day the room after the concert, and you didn't even had the sense to look at me. - Just to look at me, Shawn", I stare him in the face. Now, I can't hide, how much it meant to me, that he would've realized, that I was the one, he was writing with, not Amy. "You hurt me. Everytime, I meet you, you hurt me. With your words and the way you act. You did call me a bitch. So okay, let me now be a bitch: I want you to leave my life. To let me have problems, those aren't connected with a popstar. I promise you, I won't bother you anymore. I won't write you, and towards Aaliyah and the rest of your family, I won't say or ask anything about you. But just let me live my life. Don't destroy it. Please." I breath hectically. I can see, that Shawn's breathing faster, too. And he looks at me, as he found something very new. As he found kinda a species, he'd never met.

I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. Shit. I didn't recognized, that I was crying. I wipe them annoyed away. "Bye, Shawn."

When I walk down the floor, still clothed in Shawn's cloths, I pass the open door of Aaliyah. She sits on her bed, opened-mouth.
"I am sorry", I say.
And I am really sorry. For not have gotten things in the right way, for made a lot wrong, for choosing fear instead courageous, for not standing up for myself for such a long time, and for having hurt people, having people hurt me and being unable to prevent, that other's were hurt with what happened the last months.
I can see in Aaliyah's eyes, that she get's it, and she smiles at me just as she wanted to tell me, that she'd accept my apology. And kinda as she would ensure me, that other's would too.
I enter the stairs and take a look into the living-room, just to see Karen and Manuel sitting on the couch, both of them a cup of coffee in their hands and looking kinda shocked me. Well, they'd surely not expect me to be here, shouting at their son and being crying all over my face.
I hurry to leave the house behind me and wipe away the tears while taking on my coat.

It's so damn cold outside. It has had snowed a lot - everything's powdered with a white glitter-glow and seems to be shining in the first sun-beams of the day, but I have no view less for the beautifulness of my enviroment. It's just, that I can't see anything, because of the tears, that are now coming like a draining tap.

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<<Some things end, before they can even start>>

~

[Shawn Mendes opened Instagram]
@Wattpadofficial
Hey, thank you for your request! Due to data restrictions, we normally can't give any information on that. But therefore, we even though checked the account, you've been asking about, and as we can see the current e-mail-adress the account is using is: Amy@Mendeslover1000-forever.de.
We hope, we could help you, and ask you to deal with the information, we gave you sensitive.

PS: We're big fans of you and you're music. Do you know, that there are over 2000 fanfictions about you?! We thank you for giving our community such great inspiration.

We hope, we could help you and would be happy about a 5 star review.

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