ShawnMendes entered Wattpad.

94

<<Would my bed be enough for the moment?>>

Some seconds pass. Then it's like some wall in Shawn breaks.
"Damn Mandy, of course do I like you!" He shakes his head devastated. "I just didn't know..." He shakes his head again - his messy curls that have found their way out under his hat get more messy - and he takes a breath. "The whole time, I was thinking about you. Honestly, since I saw you in the stadium at the concert. I didn't know that it was you who shouted "Shawny-bee", but when I saw you, for that tiny second, I saw something unique in your eyes. - And I really wanted to get to know you, but I just didn't know, how." Shawn laughs a bitter laugh while I am continuing to stare at him. "It's not that easy for a star to get to know someone new as a lot of people think. And I would never want to evoke the impression, that I'm abusing my status and power."

I think of all what happened after the concert. At the meet-and-greet. At the party afterwards. At all the times, I tried to talk to him. In the elevator.
And then I think of the whole Pickering-time. The walk we've had. The talk we've had. The pullover he gave me.
The whole evening at his family's house. The great fight we had and when he went outside into the snowstorm to get me.
And then I think of how we layed next to each other in this bed and I just wished, I could wake up every morning next to him.
I think of the chemistry I felt between us and that the damn sparks didn't just disappear even if I really tried to get over this whole thing.
I think of all my regrets. How I wished, I clarified things sooner, how I wished I had expressed myself better. I really wish I would've found a way to be able to communicate my feelings towards him earlier.
My mind is floated with memories. With the messages we've sent, the plans we've made, the promises we've broken, with our voice's fighting and joking.

The only thing I get out is: "But you didn't even talk to me, when we were at the meet and greet!" Gosh, my heart hurts so much. But that needs to be said. So I speak out what has been occupying me so much. "You didn't even look at me!"

Shawn runs his fingers through his hair, biting his lip. "I know. I know. I guess I was just so irritated and surprised by the fact that you were there too, and then, I just thought that it has had to be Amy I was writing with."
Shawn looks me in the eyes, his regretful, mine... I don't know. I'm just trying to understand what he's telling me I guess.
We both keep silent for a moment. My mind is working. "You'd ignore me. You'd hate me", I then repeat a bit helpless.

"Don't you understand?!" Shawn looks pleading at me. "I'd never hate you." He swallows hard. "Your glance made me feel so ... glassy. You just looked straight into my soul. - Gosh, I didn't experience something like this before in such an intensity. I couldn't handle it. I guess I was just ... insecure and shy."

My heart's feeling a bit less heavy by hearing his words. I breath deeply in and out, calming my mind and my racing pulse. Then I raise my eyebrows. "Shawn Mendes – shy?"
I don't really doubt that. It's just surprising that he's naming it by himself. That he leaves his arrogant facade behind. (And I probably like to point it out, just to see this face expression a little longer.)

Shawn smiles a bit apologetically. "Yeah. It is the truth. And then, I mean Amy is really kinda persuasive, and the fact, that she told me you we're the one writing all the fanfiction stuff, made me just wanting to not like you. Because I felt this special chemistry when we wrote on Wattpad. I didn't want to lose that. I wanted to try it out with Amy. To give it a chance to find my luck again." He pulls a face. "But Amy just wasn't who I supposed she was, and no matter of Wattpad - I still couldn't get you out of my head. - Something I really wanted to ignore for a long time." Shawn breaths in deeply and then looks me straight in the eyes. "Can't we start over? Please?"

My mind is extremly confused and my head's dizzy just like before at the party when Shawn stared at me. I don't know, if it's the rest of the alcohol in my blood, or Shawn's confessions, or if it's a mixture of both of them, but it's really hard to think right now. My heart's confused but happy and relived and excited and wondering if this is all true and a lot more at the moment. Some time to think will help me to figure this mess out I guess. So I just say: "My smartphone's is broken so I can't call an Uber or a taxi or something like that. I'm fucking tired and I guess you still have this big black car with the fancy windows, haven't you? Would you mind, taking me somewhere warm?"

"Would my bed be enough for the moment?", Shawn asks with a bright smirk.