Harry Styles Fanfiction - Remember Me?

Chapter 216

**YOUR POV**
Harry didn't go to bed just yet that night as he went to the study to write a bit.
I sat there in bed alone, looking up at the ceiling, tears running down my cheeks when I thought back at what the doctor told me at my last appointment. I haven't told Harry about it yet, because I didn't have the heart to do it. He was struggling with all of this too and I didn't wanna make it even harder on him, but I knew I had to. He had to know what was going on. He had to know how bad it was so he could prepare himself for things that none of us had the power to control.

I still couldn't believe this was all happening for the third time in my life. My life was getting taken away from me and I couldn't do anything against it. I was scared, more than ever this time around, because this time it was all especially bad. The cancer was more aggressive than ever. I wasn't sure if I could make it this time, if I could beat it. I wasn't sure if I'd get to live this time. This time, it was hard for me to still picture a future somehow. Harry and I always talked about our wedding, having a family, growing old together, but I just couldn't picture it...I couldn't see it, because I knew...and more importantly, I felt that this may not happen anymore, that I wouldn't get to experience this, to live through this and experience all those things.

I wouldn't tell Harry those thoughts of mine. It would just kill him and I loved him way too much to see him even more devastated.
More silent tears ran down my cheeks and I wiped them away as I snapped back out of my thoughts.

I got out of bed, making my way towards the study, because I just had to tell Harry. He had to know now, especially because I'd have chemo sessions tomorrow where he'd probably find out.

„Harry?" I asked for him silently, leaning against the doorframe.

„Yes, love?" He smiled. „Thought you were asleep."

„I can't really sleep right now." I admitted.

„Why's that?" He frowned.

I got inside the room and closed the door behind me. „Do you have some time or am I interrupting something?" I asked him, slowly approaching the desk he was sat at.

„Of course I have time for you, what's happening?"

„I have to talk to you about something." I sighed.

„About what, love?" He stood up and made me sit down on the small couch before he sat down next to me.

„About something I haven't told you yet, because I was...too scared, but I can't put it off longer because you deserve to know."

„What's wrong, sweety? Tell me." He rubbed my arm.

„While you were away, filming, I had a follow up appointment and I went alone, because I wanted to feel independent for once in a while again."

„You never told me about it." Harry frowned.

„I know...but I'm telling you now." I breathed.

„Well what..." He closed his eyes for s second and let out a heavy breath. „What did the doctor say? I assume...I assume it's not good news or you wouldn't be this nervous."

„I had a CT scan..." Silent tears ran down my cheeks again. „And uhm...he told me that...that the cancer has spread to my lungs now." I finally told him.

He looked away for a minute, tears pooling in his eyes as he swallowed thickly. I knew he was trying not to fall apart right now, holding it together as good as he could. He gripped onto the couch with one hand, so tight his fingers turned white.

„Are you...are you mad?"

„No I'm not fucking mad." He breathed, his voice trembling and before I knew it, his arms wrapped tight around me and I broke out in tears.

„I'm sorry I didn't tell you." I sniffled into the crook of his neck.

„Don't say sorry for this. It's okay." He held me tight in his arms, one hand on the back of my head and the other one on my back, rubbing it soothingly.

„I-...I have stage 4 cancer now, Harry." My voice cracked. „The survival rate is 37%."

I felt him hug me even tighter when I said that.

„I'm gonna die, Haz." I cried. „I won't survive this."

„Don't you dare say that, Y/n." He cried himself. „You're not gonna die...you're not, okay? There is still a chance and you'll belong to that 37%, okay? You're not gonna fucking die."

„I love you so much, Harry. I love you so, so much and I'm so sorry about all of this." I sniffled.

„Don't apologize for this, you do not apologize for  being sick." He said. „I love you more than anything and I'll never stop." He eventually let go of me, hildingu my hands instead. „Do you know what's gonna happen now?"

„The doctor said, I'd get an even more intense treatment starting tomorrow and I also have to start radiation treatment five times a week for four weeks to hopefully destroy it with the more aggressive treatment."

„Okay...that sounds intense, but it is a plan. It's gonna be alright. You can do this. You'll beat this...and you're never alone, I'll be there with you and for you 24/7." He told me.

„Harry you just put out your debut album, you have promo and interviews and all ahead of you. You can't just stop that all." I shook my head, wiping my tears away. „This is what I never wanted...for you to give up your career."

„I can and I will. Fuck my career, you are more important than that."

„Harry no! Are you insane? You can't just throw away your career. You just started, H. This is your life, you can't give this up because of me." I told him, not believing he would even consider that.

„YOU are my life, Y/n! I have to be there for you, because I love you more than anything else in my life. What's the point of having a career if I lose you? I wanna be there for you, no matter what."

„You already are, Haz. You are already giving up so much for me, but I won't let you throw away everything you worked for because of me. I just won't...end of discussion." My voice was trembling as I started to cry again, but before Harry could really tell, I got up, opened the door and went out of the room, back to our bedroom and into our bed where I buried myself with the sheets, crying into my pillow.