Harry Styles Fanfiction - Remember Me?

Chapter 260

October 2018
**YOUR POV**
I was feeling so empty and lost ever since I lost my baby. I've been blaming myself for everything. I was her mother and I couldn't keep her safe. I knew I've been very distant towards Harry, but I couldn't bare looking at him, knowing I couldn't give him his precious daughter. The one we wished for so desperately.

I was lying in bed, looking at the breakfast Harry brought me and sat up to eat some of it. I stopped when I felt like I heard Harry from somewhere upstairs. He was crying. I haven't heard him cry like that in a long time. The last time I heard those desperate cries filled with pain, anger and frustration was during his spinal surgery recovery. It hurt my heart, hearing him like this and it was then that I realized he was going through a very hard time as well. He lost his daughter too. He had feelings that were valid and I left him all alone.

Fuck! Why did I leave him all alone?

I got up and out of bed, making my way outside the bedroom. I didn't see him anywhere as I looked around upstairs until I turned to the one room I didn't check. The room I was scared to enter, because I knew it would kill me. The last time I was in our baby girl's nursery, I just folded some clothes and put them into her closet. I was so happy, imagining me dressing our baby in them.

The door was slightly open and I eventually brought myself to push it open even more and go in. What I saw broke my heart completely and I felt even worse. Harry was lying on his side on the carpet on the floor, his back facing me. He was crying while tightly holding onto the stuffed bunny that should have been our baby's.

I approached him and knelt down right behind him, slightly leaning against his back. I ran my hand up and down his arm what made him cry more.

„You can let it out...it's okay..." I whispered. „I love you and I'm sorry I left you alone...I didn't mean to. Your feelings are valid too, Harry and I failed to realize it. You lost your baby too...you're going through a loss too and I left you all alone. You're hurting too and I wasn't there. I'm so sorry." I kept stroking his arm and used my other hand to run it through his soft, brown curls, massaging his head soothingly.

„You don't have to apologize..." He sniffled, leaning into my touch. „It's okay, I understand...I- I just thought I lost you too, Y/n."

„You won't lose me. I was just trying to cope I guess...trying to rearrange my thoughts. I know I've been distant, but I didn't mean to do it on purpose. I'm sorry. I know this is just as hard for you. You have feelings and you don't have to feel like you can't show them because of me. Let it all out. I try to do better I promise." I told him, wiping some of my own tears away. „I'm trying... We're in this together and we should grieve together." I kissed his shoulder before I moved to sit in front of him, cupping his cheek and kissing his forehead. „I love you and I'm sorry."

„It's okay, sweetie." He said silently and sat up. „I love you more. Missed you so fucking much." He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly which made me cry all over again.

„She's gone, Harry...she's gone." I sobbed into his shoulder.

„I know she is...she's in a beautiful place now though, I just know it." He said, rubbing my back with his warm hand.

I only now realized how much I missed being in his arms and how long it's really been.

„We'll never know how she looks...if she looks more like you or me." I sniffled, leaning against Harry's warm chest. „We'll never get to see her make her first steps...we'll never know what she sounds like, what she is like... We'll never see her grow up into the beautiful girl she should have become." I finally let out all those thoughts that were in my head, that I was thinking of this whole past week. „How can I miss her when I haven't even met her?"

„I miss her too, my love. So, so incredibly much. She would have loved living life with us and growing up with us. I know it's not fair. Maybe...maybe it just wasn't our time to become parents yet. As hard as it is, maybe it wasn't time yet." He said, holding me closer to his body if that was even possible. „I also know that you're blaming yourself...I can see it and I want you to stop doing that, because it's not in any way your fault. I told you that already. Don't blame yourself, Y/n. You did nothing wrong." He said and I just nodded against him.

„I hate this...I don't know how to just continue with life." I admitted.

„You don't have to right now. Take your time. Let's try to cope as good as we can for a while, but we'll find a way. I promise. It'll get better with time." He said and I nodded again.

„We haven't even named her yet, Haz." I sobbed again.

„I know, sweetie...we haven't even named her yet." He repeated, sighing and I could see it hurt him as much as it hurt me.

„I did have a name I liked...that I was thinking of before and that I haven't told you...you know before it happened." I told him as he kept rubbing my back.

„What did you have in mind, love?" He asked softly.

„I- I wanted..." I tried to say in between sobs. I tried to take a breath and gripped Harry's shirt. „Violet...I wanted her name to be Violet." I managed to get out.

Harry sighed contently, but shakily. „I love Violet."

I let out an emotion filled, but small laugh. „Me too."

He then let go of me, we smiled at each other and let a few last tears fall. Harry stood up from the floor and helped me up as well. We hugged again for a while, standing there in each other's arms in the empty and hopeless nursery. In all our misery and pain.

But we stood there together...it was the two of us together and I couldn't be more thankful for that.

„Thank you." I whispered against his neck.

„For what?" He whispered back, rocking back and forth with me in his arms.

„For not leaving me...and for loving me."

„Nothing could make me leave you." He breathed into my hair. „I'll always love you...endlessly. No matter what."

„I'll always love you too...endlessly." I said. „Harry?"

„Yes, love?"

„I don't know when I'll ever be ready to try and have a baby again." I admitted the thing that I was most scared of telling him.

„That's okay, Y/n." He said so softly and understandingly. „We're gonna be parents when the time is right and someday in the future, we'll have our rainbow baby."

I nodded again. „I miss baby violet so much." I whispered, holding the stuffed bunny up against his chest and he placed his hand over mine holding it.

„Me too." He said. „And I'll never stop missing her."

„She'll always be a part of us."

„Yes...she will. Always." Harry kissed my forehead.