Chapter 219

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**HARRYS POV**
I was still on stage, trying to get myself together as they lights turned off since it was the last song and eventually I stood back up on my feet, tears still streaming down my face as I made my way backstage where I looked up and got pulled into Gemma's arms immediately. That was when I cried again, sobbing into the crook of her neck.

„Let it out, H. Let it all out. It was time eventually and it's okay." She rubbed my back. „It's okay. You made the show so beautiful. It was so special, Harry."

„It just...it hurts so fucking much." I sniffled. „It hurts so much. I wanna help her and I can't."

„I know, Harry. We all do, but the only thing that can help her right now is the treatment. We have to trust in that. I'm sorry you're hurting, but we have to be there for Y/n. She needs us, you know that more than I do."

„Yeah...I know, I'm sorry. Everything just overcame me." I breathed, wiping my tears away when I let go of her.

„I understand that, especially after that show." She said with a small smile. „I mean it, you made it very special tonight, I'm proud of you."

„Thanks, Gem." I returned a tiny smile. „I'll get my stuff from my dressing room then we can leave. I wanna go home to see Y/n."

„Okay, I'll wait here." She rubbed my arm before I turned around and made my way towards my dressing room where Jeff was waiting for me.

„Harry!" He called me all smiley which annoyed me somehow.

„Yeah?" I sighed.

„We've set the tour dates for the UK and EU tour just now. You'll tour around Europe for about 6 months and then come back and do the US tour with even more dates for another 6 months. Everything is planned already, we just have to announce it soon." He told me with his phone in his hand, showing me all those dates when I couldn't believe what he just said.

„Hold on, what are you talking about? What tour?" I frowned.

„The world tour for your debut album. Live On Tour. We talked about it."

„We did and I told you I couldn't go on tour, Jeff." I reminded him.

„Harry it's just a year, you'll be back sooner than you think."

„Just a year? Are you kidding me right now?!" I raised my voice at him, because I just couldn't believe the things he said. He knew exactly in what situation I was in, that Y/n was terminally ill and needed me around. „Y/n has cancer for the third time in 23 years of her life, I can't fucking leave the country for that long and go on tour just like that, are you crazy?! She's my wife, she needs me! I have to be here for her."

„Wife?" Jeff raised his eyebrows what made my blood boil even more.

„Yes, my wife. We eloped if you wanna fucking know that." I huffed.

„Harry, you just put out an album, you have to go on tour and play it, everyone expects that from you."

„Listen, I wanted to give up my career for her because of her diagnosis, but she always wanted me to continue doing what I love. She wanted me to go on with my career, because she wouldn't have forgiven herself if she stopped me and I did it for her. All of this is for her. I made my debut album, I auditioned for Dunkirk, got the role and shot it. I made promo for all of it, I did shows and all that, but I can't...I can't fucking go on tour and leave her just like that. She needs me. I can't be gone for a year...anything could happen to her and I wouldn't be there...She has cancer for fuck sakes. I need to be here for her, spend time with her and look after her. I could never just leave her and be so selfish and go on tour." I told him. „I won't do that. I can do more shows in the US where I can easily get back home to her, but not a world tour."

„What the hell am I supposed to do now? Almost everything was already set." Jeff shrugged.

„Fuck the tour, cancel it, I don't give a shit." I said before I went to grab my stuff and left the room, heading to where Gemma waited.

„What was that all about?" She asked, frowning.

„Jeff pissed me off. He wants me to do a world tour."

„What? You can't leave now." She said the same as I did.

„I know, I told him that so many times already. He can fuck off honestly. I won't go on tour, I can't do that."

„Just forget him, he should know why you can't." Gemma said, placing a hand on my back as we walked outside the back to our driver.

When we got home, I quickly made my way to our bedroom where Y/n was asleep. I changed into my pajamas as quietly as I could and got in bed next to her, gently kissing her forehead.

„You're back." She whispered, smiling a little.

„Yeah just got here." I kissed her again. „How are you feeling?"

„Okay." She assured me. „Gemma sent me some videos of the show...the fanproject...and your speech." She said and took my hand. „Thank you...thank you for doing that. It means so much to me."

„Anything for you, sweetie." I kissed her lips this time.

„You cried on stage...are you...okay?"

„I'm okay, yeah." I nodded, smiling back a little.

„Okay then..." She frowned though. „Are you alright though? You look a little mad and...distracted."

„I'm alright, just Jeff pissing me off earlier." I admitted.

„What happened?"

„Nothing important, don't worry." I ran my hand through her hair.

„Okay." She breathed, having a hard time to keep her eyes open.

„Go back to sleep, sweetie." I whispered.

She nodded slowly. „Okay good night. I love you."

„Love you too. Night, baby, sleep well." I pressed a kiss to her forehead again and watched until she fell asleep which didn't take long.
I closed my eyes as well after some silent tears escaped my eyes again and ran down my cheeks. Every night I was hoping that everything would get better again, hoping that this nightmare would finally end. It had to end.

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