Harry Styles Fanfiction - Remember Me?

Chapter 282

July 2019
**YOUR POV**
„This can't be happening again." I whispered as we walked the all so familiar way down the hallway of the hospital I was last in when I got to ring the bell after finding out the cancer was gone.

I held Harry's hand tightly while we made our way towards Doctor Russell's waiting room. I got an appointment as soon as Harry called. It was around 10 am and the day hadn't even really started yet. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. That I had to go to the hospital again because of this.

If it really was cancer, I knew I couldn't do all of this anymore.

„It's not happening again, Y/n." Harry gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

As we went in to talk to Doctor Russell, he couldn't really say anything yet. He did some tests and the usualy blood work, but the results would only come in in about 24 hours, so he said he'd call tomorrow to tell me if it was serious or not.

I hated this uncertainty.

We weren't at the hospital for long and went home after he told us all that.
I was lost in my thoughts on our way home and just couldn't believe it.

„I'll push our flights back to Thursday." Harry suddenly said, quietly just before he pulled into our driveway at home.

„No, don't. I don't wanna be here longer than we have to." I told him and he leaned back in his seat as he parked and took off his seatbelt, letting out a heavy sigh. „He said he'd call at 11 am, our flight is in the afternoon, we'd have enough time." I said. „Whatever he's gonna tell me tomorrow, I wanna go back to London and do whatever needs to be done afterwards."

„Y/n..." He tilted his head.

„No, H...it's okay." I opened the door to get out. „Just don't push the flights, we'll leave as planned." I said and got out, heading towards the front door.

I looked for my keys in my purse and once I found them, I picked the one for the door, only now realizing that my hands were shaking hard, my heart beating fast in my chest and as I tried to put the key into the hold, I missed every single time until my whole set of keys fell to the floor.

Next thing I knew was Harry picking it up before I could and turned to look at me. „Baby, you need to breathe." He said softly. „I know it's a shit situation right now, but we don't know anything yet." He said, taking my hands in his to make me calm down a little. „Just take a breath for a second, okay?"

I just nodded, not really knowing if I even could, but I wanted him to unlock that damn door and let me inside which he did just a few moments later.

I quickly went upstairs to pack everything again so it was all ready for us to leave tomorrow, because I wanted to leave no matter what.

„Babe?" I looked up to see Harry in the doorway of our room, leaning against the frame. „I'm gonna make lunch, don't you wanna eat something, love?"

„I'm not really hungry, Haz. Thanks, though." I told him with a small smile.

„Are you sure? You should eat something, sweetie."

„Maybe later, okay? My appetite is kind of gone right now."

„At least come downstairs? I don't wanna leave you alone." He said.

I nodded, not really wanting to be alone either, so I got up from where I was sat on the floor and followed him downstairs. I went to sit back outside where we were sat this morning before all this started while Harry was in the kitchen, making lunch.

He came back not long later and sat down next to me, placing two plates of pasta in front of us on the small table.

„Thought you'd like some after all." He said with a tiny smile.

„Thank you." I looked at him with a thankful expression before I started to eat some of it.

„Do you wanna talk about this, love?" He eventually asked me after lunch as I still sat outside and stared into nothingness.

„Not really, no." I shook my head. „Don't really know what to think yet. Still processing all of this."

„Okay...I'll be...I'll be upstairs." He said and turned around.

„Love you." I said before he left, just so he'd know that I wasn't mad or anything or at least not at him, but I just needed to sort out my thoughts for now.

The day went by and I was still nowhere near processing this. I eventually went to sit inside in front of the tv that I didn't turn on though. I just sat and thought for most of the day. A day that should have been a beautiful and relaxed one here in LA before we'd leave again for London.

„Y/n, love?" Harry kept checking in on me, which was nice, but at the same time I just needed some time for me. „Can we talk? I feel like you've been pushing me away all day, I jus-."

„Please not now, Harry. I wanna be alone." I said even though I did not really wanna be alone. I just didn't know what to think or do. So Harry nodded and walked away, what made me feel incredibly bad instantly. He understood, even though this was hard on him too right now. I hated to hurt him and I knew in a way I did hurt him throughout the day ever since we got home. I didn't now what to do...

When we laid in bed that night, I kept staring at the ceiling and just wanted to cry. I couldn't sleep at all, thinking of what might be and what might not be. In some way, I already saw myself going through chemo again this year, through all the shit I went through three times in my lifetime. It was a lump, I could feel it, Harry could, the Doctor could. It had to be cancer.

At some time at night, my thoughts wouldn't leave me alone, so while Harry was asleep, I got up and went back downstairs and outside the back, sitting down on the porch, my bare feet touching the green grass of our backyard that was now cool underneath my feet. It wasn't cold outside, but it wasn't warm either.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks. Silent tears.

When I thought of what might be happening this coming year, I felt like throwing up. I didn't want this all to be real again.