The Submissive Assassin (BxB)

Chapter 126 - "We're friends now."

"P-Please..." he swallowed hard, trying his hardest to maintain a straight face but his tongue had completely dried. He could barely even speak, but it felt as if it was his fight or flight response that was taking the front wheel, no longer his own thoughts but his own body managing itself. "...Please...put the gun down...please..."

"No."

Nate inhaled a sharp breath, closing his eye for a moment. He had recently witnessed the worst killing he had ever come across, and as if that hadn't been enough of a traumatic event, he now had to face a gun being pointed at someone he cared for, and only his words could save the lives of both of them. Even though he didn't want to do this and it would be easier to let it be dealt with on his own, he couldn't bring himself to leave. He was also in danger, but the danger wasn't enough to completely turn away from this scene.

Lucius, with a cigarette a the corner of his lip, had a pistol in his hand. However, the muzzle was aimed towards his own skull, and the blankness in his gaze was frightening Nate.

It had been two days since the incident, and Lucius hadn't spoken a word. He didn't eat nor shower, merely stayed bundled in Nate's bed, tightening the blankets around him without letting Nate anywhere near him. Thus, it was a huge surprise to find him standing when Nate returned from the meeting, with a loaded gun aimed at himself.

"This won't accomplish anything." Nate made certain to keep his voice stern, not wanting Lucius to see any sort of flicker of uncertainty that would give him enough of a reason to pull the trigger on himself.

"At least I won't have to live without knowing if I mattered to him." His voice sounded terribly ghostly, as if his mind has already been set and all he needed to do was find enough courage to pull the trigger. What Nate didn't know was that he was waiting to finish his last ever cigarette, and then he would feel as though he experienced all he wanted to before his death.

Nate furrowed his brows; the best way to solve this would be to attempt to reason with him. "You're not the first person to ever experience grief, Lucius. We can get through this, I'm here for you."

"You don't get it Nate, you don't get it." Lucius expelled lengthy fumes of his cigarette before shaking his head. "I've been lying in your bed, going over every single interaction I've had with Raphael. And they continue to play on repeat, over and over again. It's suffocating—sometimes I feel like I can't fucking breathe and I'll choke to death. I can't...I can't do this any longer, I can't feel this anymore, it's excruciating."

"That's called sadness." This was the first time he saw the slightest flicker in Lucius' eyes, as if he was finally truly paying attention. "You lost someone, and you couldn't protect them. Raphael died in your arms. You might even be depressed, Lucius. It happens—some people even need to take prescribed medication to get over loved ones deaths. These sentiments are normal, they're human nature."

Lucius slowly began shaking his head, taking a sharp intake from his cigarette. "They're not normal for me. I've killed dozens of people; I shouldn't be feeling anything over this death. This isn't grief."

"If you don't think it's grief then fine, maybe I'm wrong," Nate breathed, shrugging his shoulders. "But there's no use in pulling that trigger without knowing what it is."

"What's the point of it all if Raphael was lying to me the whole time?" Lucius murmured nonchalantly, tilting his head to the side.