"hey nerd" "hey doofus" -rodrick x reader

Chapter Fourty-Two: Holy Shit

It was Sunday. Which meant Rodrick had to go to church with his family. They were a little late when they finally arrived but what made them extra late was the fact that Greg had sat on a candy bar the whole trip to the church, making it look like he had shit himself.

"Poopy," said Manny in his car seat. He was pointing at Greg's pants. Greg turned around and his mouth fell open when he saw the large stain on his ass.

"Oh, Greg," said Rodrick's mom when she saw the stain. "It looks like he has a candy bar on there."

Greg turned to his younger brother who was still in his car seat. "Manny!" he exclaimed. 

Rodrick rolled up the empty candy bar wrapper he had in his hand and shoved it into his pocket, giving his brother a sly grin.

"Ugh, Frank, you're going to have to do something," said his mom.

"Yeah, I'll get a rag," Rodrick's dad said as he opened the door to the car and rummaged through the glove compartment. He pulled out red rag and told Greg to turn around before he vigorously rubbed the stain on his pants.

"Dad, stop it!" Greg shouted.

"Hold still," his dad instructed, rubbing the rag on the stain before stepping back. "Alright, let me see." He patted Greg on the back. "You're fine. Can't even tell."

Rodrick's dad walked over to the door to the back seat and Rodrick stepped out of the way, hands in his pockets as he watched his dad throw the rag into the back.

Greg's eyes landed on the girl from the roller rink who Rodrick had found out was Heather's little sister, Holly. Heather and her parents followed Holly inside. Rodrick smirked when Greg gasped. "I'm not going in with a poop stain on my pants," he said, backing up against the car.

"Okay, well, you can't skip church," his mother told him.

"No, I'm not going in like this," Greg protested.

His mother nodded and sighed. "Fine." She pulled off her pink cardigan and gave it to Greg. "Tie it around your waist. You can hide it."

Greg nodded and tied his mother's pink cardigan around his lower body, hiding the stain at the back of his pants.

Rodrick and his family walked into to the church. Everyone was stood up in the pews, singing a song that Rodrick forgot the words to since he rarely paid attention during church. Rodrick led his family to a mostly empty pew and sat down. But his dad waved at him, gesturing him to stand. Rodrick gave his dad a confused look before standing up.

"Please, be seated," the minister announced. Everyone around Rodrick took their seats but he looked around with furrowed brows. He just got up, why did he have to sit down again? He sat down anyway and tuned out what the minister was saying.

When the service ended, the minister was handing everyone a piece of sacramental bread.
(Am I correct in saying that? I don't go to church so please correct me if I am wrong)

Rodrick's parents stood up to get one of the things that the minister was handing out. "Okay, we're up," said Rodrick's dad.

"What?" Greg asked. "Everyone will see the sweater."

"People are looking," his dad said through gritted teeth. "Okay? So, come on, let's go."

Rodrick sighed and got up from the pew and so did Greg who nervously walked onto the aisle.

As he walked behind his brother, Rodrick noticed his mother's sweater dragging on the floor by his feet. He smiled and got an idea. He quickened his pace, getting closer to Greg before he stomped his foot on the sweater, causing it to let go of Greg's waist as he stood on the stage with the minister.

"Poop!" someone from the crowd shouted. Rodrick turned to see Kelly pointing at Greg. "He's pooped his pants!"

Rodrick smiled as Greg tensed up. He turned around and faced everyone in the church. "No, it isn't what it looks like!" he shouted. "It isn't! It's chocolate!" He ran a finger along the stain and held it close to his mouth. "Chocolate, see." And with that, he stuck his finger in his mouth. Everyone let out gasps. Rodrick laughed. Greg furrowed his brows and frowned before lunging at Rodrick. They both fell to the ground and began kicking, hitting and yelling at each other while everyone in the church watched.

Rodrick's dad walked over to them and pulled them apart before dragging them both by their shirt collars down the aisle. Rodrick spotted Heather in one of the pews and gave her a wave. She gave him a disgusted look and rolled her eyes.

When they got to the door, their dad kicked it open and continued to drag them outside.

"What did I say about being civil with one another?" their mom demanded as she followed them to the car. "That's all I asked of you."

Rodrick and Greg were shoved into the car by their dad who angrily got into the front seat. He let out a loud, disappointed sigh and shook his head. After she placed Manny in his car seat and let Rodrick buckle him in, their mother got into the passenger seat, mumbling under her breath. Their dad drove down the street.

"Well you have blown it big time!" their mom shouted.

Rodrick and Greg looked down at their laps and kept quiet. Rodrick pulled out his phone and started to message Heather.

Rodrick: did you see what i did?
Rodrick: greg was so pissed lmao
heather: Yeah, I saw. It was disgusting.
heather: Is your whole family weird like that or just your brother?

Him and Greg didn't get along very well but Rodrick felt his blood boil at what Heather had said. He turned off his phone, leaving her on read.

The rest of the day was awkward, especially dinner. Rodrick could practically see the fume steaming from his mother's ears. He ate quickly and went up his room, changing into boxers and an old band t-shirt before plopping down on his bed. He picked up his phone and saw he had received a notification. He clicked on it and went into his messaging app. It was Y/N and she had sent him a request to play cup pong on GamePigeon. He smiled and they played a round. She won of course since Rodrick sucked at cup pong.

Rodrick: cheater
nerd:))) : Sore loser
Rodrick: you keep putting plastic wrap on my cups
nerd:))) : Sureeee
Rodrick: it's true!
nerd:))) : Lol
nerd:))) : Anyway, how was your day?
Rodrick: amazing
Rodrick: i put a chocolate bar on greg's seat in the car and he sat on it the whole way to church and then it stained his pants
nerd:))) : Oh god
Rodrick: it looked like shit lmao
Rodrick: and get this
Rodrick: he tasted it but everyone thought it was shit
nerd:))) : LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

Rodrick smiled at her response.

Rodrick: then he attacked me
Rodrick: and mom got mad
nerd:))) : How mad?
Rodrick: scary mad
Rodrick: so on a scale of one to ten it would be like 9.5/10
nerd:))) : Is she too mad to let me hang out with you tomorrow?
Rodrick: maybe but i'll hang out with you anyway
nerd:))) : :)
Rodrick: :))
nerd:))) : Cup pong again?
Rodrick: nah that one is boring
nerd:))) : No you're just a sore loser lol
Rodrick: am not
nerd:))) : Are too
Rodrick: am not
nerd:))) : Okay, no more arguing
Rodrick: you got it boss
nerd:))) : What should we do tomorrow?
Rodrick: dinner at gilman's hill?
nerd:))) : Sounds good to me
Rodrick: perfect
Rodrick: can't wait to see you y/n
nerd:))) : Likewise, Rodrick:)

He furrowed his brows and went onto Google and searched up what the word 'likewise' meant. When he figured it out he smiled and texted Y/N back. They messaged each other back and forth until Y/N stopped replying and he assumed she fell asleep. He went to sleep with the biggest smile on his face.

Author's note: don't know if you caught on but the title is a reference to how greg was in a church and it looked like he shit his pants. hence holy shit. it's stupid but i thought it was funny for a moment. anyway, i hope you have an amazing night/day. i appreciate you!!!