my only one (COMPLETED)

chapter 23

Chapter 23:

--------Hanley’s point of view----------

Jack had been silent for over 2 minutes, and I was sick of it. “Fine, if you won’t tell me, I’m off.” I got up, and he still didn’t stop me. I hadn’t even bothered to read my mum’s text yet, the one Jack had prevented me reading. I opened it, expecting nothing out of the ordinary.

[Hey hun, not going to be in till late tonight, work’s creeping up on me again.xx]

It really didn’t surprise me that she wasn’t going to be in, she never really was. I didn’t know where I was heading, except for that I couldn’t cross Zack and Ella. I walked slowly round the edge of the park, too far for them to recognise.

When I finally got away from the park, I pulled out my phone and rang Alex. I needed to see if he was alright, and what was up with Jack. The phone rang for less than two seconds before a croaky voice answered. “Hanley?” Alex whispered down the other end.

He sounded badly hurt, and it upset me as it was. “Alex? Are you okay? Actually, wait, meet me at my house, I need to ask you something…” The conversation didn’t last any longer than that, he just grunted and I hung up.

I got to my house, and slumped on the sofa. I didn’t have enough energy to focus on anything, not properly anyway. I heard a light tap on the door, and I saw Alex.

He looked okay, not too upset, but then, he was Alex, normally bright and perky. “Hey.” He muttered, and I pulled him in for a hug again. He didn’t hug as close as before, and I knew then that something was up.

“Alex, what’s wrong with you and Jack? You’re both acting funny.” I saw his face look in disgust slightly as I said Jack’s name. “Paha, Jack. Hanley, did he ever ask you how you felt about me, like, a year ago?”

I remembered how I felt, and I remembered that day, how much it hurt knowing that he never liked me. “Yes…” I nodded. I didn’t like remembering that day.

“Jack lied. Hanley, I asked him to ask you how you felt. I asked him, because I’ve always liked you. Jack told me to just get over you because you didn’t like me. Which is why, when I got your phone call, I was the happiest guy on the planet! I thought you’d never want to talk to me again.”

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. Jack had never lied to me before, but then, this sounded so true! And Alex’s reaction to him seeing me with someone else made it feel all the more real.

I couldn’t think of any words to say, anything to feel, so I pulled Alex in for a hug. “Alex, I loved you so much. I was told, and believed, that you weren’t into me, at all. I’m sorry.” Alex tilted my head up, and I saw how happy he was on the inside.

We went up to my room, and just sat there. Alex had his arm around me, and it just felt right. It may not be right in someone else’s eyes, but to me and Alex, It was good.

I looked up at him, and he kissed my lips. I felt a lot happier with Alex, the love felt a lot more natural.

The next thing I knew, I was lying in bed, next to Alex. I looked at the clock:

12:07pm, Sunday.

I suddenly sat up, and realised; I’d just given my virginity to Alex. Shit. I woke him up, and he didn’t realise until he noticed he was naked also. And he said the exact same thing as me. Shit.

I put on my dressing gown and went out into the hallway, to check if anyone was in. My mum hadn’t come in from work yet, so I checked my phone.

[Don’t worry about me hun, I’m staying at your nans for tonight, it’s closer to work so I can get to sleep quicker. Be back at around 5 tomorrow, night. Xx]

Alex started putting his jeans on, and I could feel the awkwardness in the room already. “Do you want a coffee?” I asked trying to break the silence. “Erm, yes please.” He smiled. I loved his smile, even if what we did is the worse thing I could think of.

I started boiling the kettle, and Alex appeared in the kitchen door, with only his jeans on. “Hanley, won’t your mum wonder what the hell went on last night?” He whispered. “No, she’s out, thank fuck. Alex, do you remember what happened last night?”

He nodded slightly, before replying. “Yeah, I remember some. I don’t think you’ll want to hear my opinion though…” he smiled. I poured the boiled water into the mugs of coffee and I smiled back, even though on the inside I felt utterly confused.

“Grab your coffee and we’ll sit in the lounge, I want to sort this out…” I murmured, and he grabbed the mug and followed me. We sat on the sofa, and I couldn’t help but wonder how the hell it had gotten to where it did the night before.

“So, what are we gonna do? I mean, what are you going to do? Like, are you going to tell Zack, or…” Alex looked at his coffee, not wanting to ask me the question directly.

“I don’t know Alex. My head is spinning at the moment. I don’t know.” I looked at the floor, and I felt his arm around me again. “Well, if it helps, I had a really good time” he winked. He usually made me laugh with these jokes, but now it was reality, they weren’t so funny.

“Alex, I don’t think you understand about what just happened…. I could get pregnant! And I don’t think I’m ready for that yet! I didn’t even think I was ready for sex, but it’s too late now!” I raised my voice, and it got his attention much more. “Alright! Okay, calm down. You’re not pregnant, I’m sure of it…” He muttered, looking out the window.

“Alex, you can’t be sure. I can’t be sure. Neither of us can be sure until I show a symptom or something.” He put his arm round me, and it was surprisingly comforting.

“What are we going to do Alex?” I muttered, my head on his shoulder. “Okay, here’s the plan. We don’t tell anyone about last night. If you do show symptoms, or whatever, you take the test and tell me the results straight away, you got that?”

I nodded quickly. “But Zack needs to know?” I asked quickly. “Not yet, not right now. Anyway, I need to go. I’ll see you later Hanley, I love you!” He kissed my forehead while I just sat there in disbelief at what I’d done with Alex.

It was so unlike me! I think I was just over-whelmed by Alex’s feelings. I’d wanted him to say that to me so much, and when he did, I jumped right into bed with him. All I could say was ‘thank fuck my mum wasn’t in.’

It was only 2pm, but I was so tired, I decided to take a nap on the sofa, try to get away from the haunting reality and guilt. I lay down, Kerrang! On quietly in the background, and shut my eyes. It was so hard to get to sleep, Alex and Zack kept popping up in my mind.