new arrival

how am I going to tell your dad

I look down at my wrists and see the cuts that I have made across my arms and I feel ashamed. I knew that what I did was done in anger and pure despair and my dad's words hurt me but he was right I always disappoint him. I don't know what to do. I know I don't want to leave this bathroom and have to face them and have them look at me with that disappointed look on there faces again. I notice the window was open and  hastily I decided that I'm leaving I'm going to run away from it all the hurt the sadness the disappointment plus my family will be relieved to not have to deal with me again.

I wrapped my arms up in bandages I found in the first aid kit and I began to climb out the window and I held onto the branch of the massive oak tree that we have outside our window the same tree me and my dad played under when I was younger  and I made it down the tree unharmed.

"where am I going to go?" I asked myself

I decided that I cant go to Paul's as he has his family now with Linda and Heather and I am not bringing my troubles to his door. I'm going to visit uncle George he listens to me and will help me I'm certain of it plus uncle Ringo and Maureen were all away on there holidays so Uncle Geo is all I had.

I begin the short walk to uncle Geos house and when I arrive at the front door I hear all this shouting.

" it sounds like uncle George and Patti are fighting" I said feeling strangely nervous.

I opened the front door and slowly walked in as I always did.

" hello George?" I shouted

" hello Pattie"

they  are obviously are not hearing me over there yelling

I began to walk towards the room where all the noise is coming from and opened the door gently still not being heard 

"so you have been fucking Eric Clapton behind my back. well you need to choose Pattie me or him"

I have never seen or heard uncle George angry. I have never even seen him raise his voice so seeing him this angry was scary. he seemed bigger and he seemed so different to  the caring loving gentle uncle that I grew up with and seeing this side of him scared me.

I gasped which seemed to stop the argument and they both turned to look at me

" India what are you doing here" George asked his voice still tinged with anger though his features softening when he seen me standing in the doorway looking so lost and fragile.

" uhm I needed help but I am going to leave. you's  have stuff going on . oh Pattie choose my uncle George please he is amazing"

 I turned around and began to leave when I felt a hand on my shoulder

" you need help what's wrong?" 

" look I'm fine you have your own troubles"

" I don't care about my troubles they will wait. I'm more concerned about you. come on lets go into the living room we can talk there."

I followed George into the living room and sat down on his sofa beside him and I suddenly felt silly for bothering him"

" look I should go my dad doesn't even know I have left and you need to be with Pattie I am fine"

" look kid you have ran away and now  your here for a reason now spit it out I'm here to listen.

" I just feel like a spare part at home all I provide to the family is disappointment"

" now you know that's not true. your parents worship you especially John he is so proud of you"

" yeah maybe that was true when I was young but not now. I'm growing up I'm 15 I'm not his little girl any more that role is now Hollies. I don't do well at anything and today they found out from Miss perfect Hollie that I'm still getting bullied and the look of disappointment in there faces was heart breaking" 

" your still getting bullied love"

" yeah it never stopped I just deal with it but it is getting harder and harder. People know who I am and just to assumptions that I am spoiled or a horrible girl because I'm a Lennon and I'm meant to be rich and they see the attention I get. Like they see the press outside my school snapping pictures of Lennon's kid and there resentful so they decided to give me hell."

" kids are jealous and cruel but he proud of your last name always your dad worked hard to make it well known"

" I'm proud of it and proud of my dad and yous all I really am but its just a hard cross to bare and it is killing it and it  drove me to do something so stupid today"

" what did you do?"

" Hollie saw today that I was getting bullied and ran home to tell mum and dad and when I returned home dad was crying and he came and asked me how my day was and I lied and said fine and he said why do I always have to disappoint him and I ran up to the bathroom and done this."

I pulled the sleeves to expose the bandages on my arms and Georges face showed his horror and I felt so ashamed

" why did you do that. that is never the answer"

" I was upset and I could not cope and I just did it. I planned to do it but it made me feel better them when I finished I felt ashamed"

" you break my heart India how am I going to tell your dad this?"