new arrival

aftermath

Cynthia has just returned home from dropping India off at school and she puts a sleeping Hollie into her cot and starts cleaning up the mess from breakfast

" good morning Cyn im starving what's for breakfast" 

John walked into the kitchen all smiles and in a great mood and totally not remembering the events of last night

" you have some nerve John Lennon walking into here asking for breakfast after what you done last night you are lucky that you still have your family here i was so close to packing up and leaving with the girls" Cynthia raged at him all the hurt and anger she had been keeping inside her from last night just bursting out

"what are you talking about Cyn i don't remember last night"

" that would be because you were high on drink and drugs"

John went and sat down on the sofa 

" come and tell me what i did that was so wrong for me to deserve all the anger your giving me"

"oh you want to know what you did John"

Cynthia sat down opposite John

" well India has been seeing you coming home drunk or stoned every night and she is to young to know about drugs so she thinks your ill. so she refuses to go to bed until she sees that you are home and ok. and last night she asked me why you don't love her anymore?"

" she asked that? she thinks i don't love her?" John said shocked and hurt that she thought that

" she thinks you don't love her and you don't like her anymore because every time she see's you lately your angry with her. so you came home in a awful state and in a nasty mood and India ran up to you as she always does to say hello to you and tell you she missed you and you said to her why the fuck do you miss me and when i told you not to swear in front of her you made a nasty remark about having to be nice to princess then you continued your war of hate on her and told her that you wished she was not your daughter wished you had no kids and that you don't love her that she is just a kid you have to look after then when you tried to get past her you stumbled and banged in to her with such force she stumbled across the room and fell into the coffee table and cut her arm and now she is terrified of you she would only leave her bedroom this morning when she knew that you were asleep"        

John looked at Cynthia with shock written all over his face

" i can't believe i did that to her im such a fucking horrible dad no wonder she is scared of me. i was out of order i can't believe i hurt my little girl" he said while beginning to cry

" im not done yet i went into the bathroom to get the first aid kit and i found your bag of drugs which had burst open and had went onto India's toothbrush. You are so lucky John that i saw that or our daughter would of taken whatever drug that was and it would of been your fault. you have to stop this john just let these words sink in OUR 6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER COULD OF TAKEN DRUGS LAST NIGHT SHE COULD OF TAKIN SOME OF YOUR DRUGS LAST NIGHT it could of killed her she could of died john"

cynthia burst into tears the reality of John's actions just sinking in

" im sorry Cyn you know i would never do any of what i did  if i was in the right mind"

" this has to stop John and it will stop this has been going on for to long and India has seen to much she is a child who is staying up to make sure her daddy is ok that is not fair John. You have been putting your drugs and alcohol before your family and i have forgiven you to many times well i promise you that this is your last chance if you continue to drink and use drugs then we are gone im taking the girls and going because im not going to allow you to hurt India anymore"

" i promise you im stopping i have been focused to much on me and dwelling on the death of Brian that i forgot what i have i will make it up to you's i will i promise"

" i don't know how you will make it up to India she is terrified of you"

" i don't know Cyn but i will put it right somehow"

Dot picked up India from school and dropped her off at the house and India peeked her head threw the door making sure that her dad was not around and when she did not see any one she quietly closed the door

" Ello my princess" John said smiling at her while India looked back at him her eyes full of fear that she dropped her schoolbag and ran up to her room

" give her time John just make alot of effort with her and she will come round" Cyn said seeing how upset he looked

Cyn went and picked up her school bag and went threw it to see if she had any homework that needs done when she found a picture that she must of drew today in the picture was a young girl with a sad face and she had written im sorry daddy that you don't love me no more

I went and showed the picture to John and he broke down

" i can't stand this i cant handle her hating me and being terrified by the sight of me. i grew up thinking that i was not loved and i don't want her to think that. what will i do Cyn how can i make her love me again?"