new arrival

I dont want to live here anymore mummy

it has been a long 3 days since that night John came home drunk and started on India leaving her terrified of her own father and John has been trying so hard for the 3 days to make it up to her but India just leaves the room when he enters it

i feel so bad for India because what happened that night really shook her up and i feel awful that they were so close and now she is scared of him and wont come near him and wont say a word to him and i can see the hurt on John's face everytime he tries to talk to her and he gets rejected time after time. 

" India can you come down stairs and into the kitchen your dad is in the basement writing a new song so its OK" 

i decided i needed to speak to India and tell her she had to speak to him at some point this atmosphere is not healthy for any one

India came running into the kitchen and jumped onto the stool 

" what have i done?"

" you have not done anything India i just want to talk to you about your daddy"

" i don't want to talk about him mummy"

" why?"

" because he scares me and i don't like him anymore he has not been nice for ages"

" India i understand that you are scared and i know your angry at him but he is still your daddy and he has been trying so hard to be a good daddy again like he was before and it hurts him when you ignore him"

" he had been ignoring me for weeks when he went out and came home acting strange he ignored me then and that hurt me"

" i know sweetie but sometimes your daddy is not good with dealing with things and he does silly things to try to make him feel better but he does not do those silly things any more"

" mommy can i stay with Uncle Paulie for a while"

' well we will have to ask him if he has the time for you to go for a sleepover"

" no i don't mean a sleepover can i live with him for a while"

' what India no way why would you ask that?"

" because i don't like seeing daddy everyday. maybe if i did not see him for a while i would miss him and want to see him again and then i might learn to love him again like that time when i did not see my best friend Sally for ages and i missed her and i was happy when i saw her again"

I looked at India and thought about how smart she was for only a 6 year old she really had her dads brains and i also felt so sad that a 6 year old was thinking about wanting to leave her parents

" so how long are you thinking of leaving us for"

" a month i don't know i didn't think about it"

" ok ill call Paul and ask him first and then ill talk to your dad"

" thanks mom"

I walked to the phone wondering how i am going to find a way of asking Paul to look after our little girl for a month or more i know he loves India as much as we do but he may not want to look after her full time

" Ello" i heard Paul's voice speak waking me up from my thoughts

" oh hello Paul its me Cynthia"

" hi Cyn hows things?"

" well things are not great Paul actually things are awful over here"

"oh dear what's happened"

" its a long story well you know John has been back on the drink and the drugs since Brian died and he has been coming home in some awful states and India has seen him and she has been drifting away from him and one night he came home and said some cruel things to her you know how he can be when he is drunk and he stumbled into India and she fell and hit her arm against the coffee table and since that night 3 days ago India will not speak to John will not be in the same room as him she is terrified of him"