new arrival

is this the end of john

India lay awake tucked into her bed watching the morning light creep its way threw her curtains and start to light up her room. She could not help but think about how much her life has changed over the past few months and it worries her.

Cynthia's mother sadly died well technically she was her step mother her parents broke up when Cyn was a child and her daddy remarried so Cynthia had two mothers who she was close to her real mom died  years ago while she was in art college so she became reliant on her step mother and there bond was intense she had been a lovely grandmother to the girls even though they lived in Canada she rang cyn every week to speak to the girls and she sent them presents by post every month and that was always a great sense of excitement waiting to see what present would arrive.

India thought about her grand mama and she grew sad but she knew she would be happy in heaven but what brought her so much upset was her daddy. India missed him so much she felt abandoned by him she felt unloved and unwanted and she could not stop thinking about what she did wrong. but she mainly felt so much anger towards him and this feeling scared India as she had never hated her daddy in all her life even all those years ago when he left them to go and marry Yoko. Every time John entered her mind she felt like she could explode with all the emotions running threw her body she missed him like crazy and she wanted to hug him and tell him she loved him but at the same time she didnt want to see him again she was so confused she was at the age now where she understands things alot more.

She turned 9 last week and her uncle Paul held a huge princess party for her but India spent most of her party sitting by the phone waiting on her daddy to ring her but he didn't and she was devastated. 

India got out of bed her mind buzzing with thoughts she could not escape from thought like no one wants you India see how they all leave you or thoughts like poor Paul being stuck with you it would be so much better if you were gone. she physically shook her head trying to get such thoughts out of her mind but they would not budge they just become stronger. 

She makes her way downstairs to get some breakfast and when she looks out the hall window she see's around 20 men standing there with cameras all waiting to get a picture or a interview with the kid John left behind. John has been acting so crazy over in L.A and getting drunk most night and of course the press are there snapping there pictures then the next morning on the front page of every newspaper is the story about john going off the rails and since anything Lennon related is news right now they are camping outside Pauls house trying to get me to give them an exclusive interview.

" good morning Paulie" i say walking into the kitchen where Paul is making himself a cup of tea

' good morning beautiful" he says breaking into a smile that makes me feel all warm and safe 

" i see the press are camped outside today again "  i sigh grabbing myself a bowl for my cornflakes

" im afraid so"

I felt so guilty that all these people were outside Paul's home and making everything unpleasant for him because of me

" im sorry Paul"

Paul looked at me

" what are you sorry for " he asked confused

" because of me all these people are outside your home and its not fair on you i should go somewhere else so you can get some peace"

Tears were quickly escaping my eyes and i was wiping them away trying to not let Paul see me cry

" sweetie the press are outside because of what your dad is doing not because of us honey don't you ever feel guilty about the aftermath of your dad's actions ok"

" i just wish he wasn't my dad so i don't have to care about him or have to deal with everyone wanting my picture all the time"

Paul did not know what to say to try and make things better john was making life here so difficult for everyone associated with him

Paul was about to answer her when a series of loud urgent knocks were coming from the door

Paul went an answered it and when he did George barged threw the door in tears and looking so shaken and panic stricken

" whats wrong Geo"

" John's been shot"

Paul felt the earth stand still like everything around him stopped

" what did you say Geo"

" a fan shot John he been fucking shot Paul" George shouted

Paul stood still frozen in shock but when George looked to the side he was India standing looking at him her big brown eyes wide in shock a look of horror on her face

" oh my god India i didn't know you were here" he said walking over to her and pulling her into a hug

" but don't worry he will be fine he has been rushed to hospital and the doctors are patching him up

" i don't care" India saying her face now blank of any emotion

" what" George said shocked

" i don't care he does not care about me so im not caring about him i dont care that he has been  hurt"

George looked at her wondering what had happened to the little girl who idolized her daddy and wondered if this was the affect of neglecting your child is.

Paul suddenly snapped out of his daze and went into panic mode

" Geo we are going to need plane tickets to get to America we need to be there in case anything happens to him"

" im not going Paul"

" india yes you are"

" no i don't care about him i don't want to see him he cant make time for me why should i make time for him"

" because he could die" Paul shouted at her

" WELL I DONT CARE IF HE DIES I DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM ANYMORE" India screamed back running upstairs into her room leaving a shocked Paul and George behind

Once in her room she broke down in tears and she grew scared and she tried to stop her feelings from emerging she tried to remain calm and act like she did not care but she was terrified in case her daddy died but she did not want t care about him but she could not stop