Friends with Benefits

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Things I own: my sanity (though, that's debatable at times), not enough time to write and incredible friends and family!!

Things I don't: Twilight, Edward and Bella (Damn. It.)

Chapter Thirty-Nine

EPOV

After Bella and I talked, I excused myself to go upstairs. I hadn't noticed how early it was and my body was exhausted since we got home after midnight and probably not going to sleep until after three. Bella said that she'd start pulling out the Christmas decorations. I said I'd put our out décor after I took a nap.

Lies, Cullen. You tell lies. You're going upstairs to obsess and overanalyze.

Upstairs, I stripped out of my workout clothes and took a shower. For the first time in a long time, I hadn't felt the need to jerk off. That's because you had sex last night, moron. Washing quickly, I put on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. I crawled into bed and was surrounded by her.

My bedding was covered in Bella's scent. Rolling over, I inhaled where she slept and the scent of strawberries, sunflowers and vanilla assaulted my nostrils. Vague memories of our clandestine night invaded my subconscious and the flashes of her naked body made me yearn for it again.

Stop it, Cullen.

I needed to make a decision. Do I accept Bella's proposal of 'friends with benefits'? Or do I just let sleeping dogs lie and completely forget what happened in this very bed last night?

Based off your reaction at smelling her on your sheets, you don't want to forget.

I knew for certain that last night, having sex with Bella, was nothing short of life-altering. She had made me feel strong, powerful, sexy and not at like the geek I was perceived as. Her response to my affections was equally as life-altering. How wet she was and how she gripped my cock as I fucked her.

God, I wish I could remember more.

Huffing out a breath, I curled up around Bella's pillow, inhaling deeply and trying to will my brain to give me some answers. Honest answers. Not horny answers.

And smelling the girl or remnants of the girl that you fucked last night is going to help you do that?

I am really beginning to hate my subconscious. It sounds more and more like Bella every day. Rolling onto my pillow, I mentally made a list of the pros and cons of the arrangement.

Pros: no need to masturbate; regular sex; not losing my best friend but altering our relationship; having all of the good things of a relationship but no commitment.

Cons: possibility of losing my best friend; altering our relationship in a negative way; blurring the lines of friendship and sex.

I'm a guy. Any guy would jump at this type of arrangement. The opportunity to have regular, fuckhot, insanely satisfying sex is a male's dream. Even me. And I'm not the typical male. But, my head cannot wrap around the fact that it's Bella. My Bells. The girl who I have known for over ten years and I've seen grow up from a gangly, clumsy teenager to a beautiful and slightly klutzy adult.

I don't know how long I stayed up in my room, but Bella knocked on my door, asking if I wanted dinner. Looking at the clock, it was after six. I politely declined and just stared at my ceiling. I knew that I was hurting her feelings by holing myself up in myroom, but Bella knew how I handled situations. I needed to weigh the pros and cons. I needed to think things through before jumping into a situation. I never, ever took a risk without knowing the possible consequences or rewards.

The rewards of this arrangement were good and excellent in the short term, but possible consequences are what bothered me. I didnot want to lose Bella. Outside of my family, she understands me and can read my moods. In fact, she probably knows me better than my family because of our living situation. Bella has been there for my greatest achievements in the law firm and my biggest failures as well. She helped me pick up the pieces when I was ready to quit my job and work at Starbucks as a barista because I failed to submit paperwork on time that resulted in the loss of a client's home due to foreclosure. It was my second year at the firm and Bella was visiting me, considering her future after she finished student teaching. I came home, in tears, ready to throw out my law degree that hung proudly in the living room because of that one mistake.

Bella smacked me upside the head and told me to center myself. We worked through that drama and I was able to work with the attorney, a jerk named Demetri, and fix the problem and Bella helped me in keeping it together.

Did I want to risk losing that all for sex?

I was pondering that question when I heard the tell-tale buzzing sound from Bella's room.

A/n: What will Edward do? Hmmmmm? Please, leave me some lovin!! Hugs!

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