Friends with Benefits

Chapter Ninety-Two

Things I own: my sanity (though, that's debatable at times), not enough time to write and incredible friends and family!!

Things I don't: Twilight, Edward and Bella (Damn. It.)

Chapter Ninety-Two

BPOV

Early the next morning, we packed up our belongings and drove the airport in Phoenix. I hated leaving this place for a couple ofreasons. The smallest one was the fact that it was still fucking snowing in Chicago. Really? It was early April. The time for snow is now done! Jeez! I wanted to wear cute little sundresses and flip flops. But, nooooooo, it was still fucking snowing in Chicago. Back to the frozen tundra.

The other reason I didn't want to go back was my relationship with Edward. We had been in this perfect little bubble of happiness. No fears of being interrupted, reconnecting as friends and as a couple. Now, our lives were going to keep us apart along with my own stupid fears. I still didn't want anyone to know about us. If I told Alice, she'd be planning our wedding, not caring about our wants and needs. I couldn't tell Jasper. He'd tell Alice. The only person I felt comfortable with knowing was Emmett and from what Edward told me, he was in a bad place due to Rosalie's actions toward him.

Emmett had been a victim in Rosalie's identity theft scheme.

I felt for the guy. He had truly loved her and in the end, he got screwed in the ass by her harpy-like behavior.

Then, there was my job. I was still employed. That's great. But my position for next year is going to be different. I went to school to be an English teacher. As a result of my classes, I also have enough credits to also teach history. Just before spring break, Jasper pulled me aside and showed me a draft of the schedule for the next school year. Out of the five classes I was teaching, three of them were history courses. The other two were AP Junior and Senior English, but three freaking history courses. Two world history and one U.S. history. I had four classes to prep for, plus travel all over the school.

Granted, it was a draft of the schedule. It wasn't set in stone. I certainly didn't want that schedule. At. All.

"Pretty girl, you're awfully quiet," Edward said as he threaded his fingers with mine.

"Just sad that our vacation is over," I shrugged.

"Hmmm, me too," he said, kissing my forehead. "It was so much fun to just be."

"Yeah," I smiled, snuggling against his arm. "It was nice to not wear our arctic gear, too."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Edward grumbled. "This winter has gone on long enough. I need spring, dammit!"

"Don't hold your breath, counselor. You know Chicago weather. It's highly unpredictable. Next week, it could be ninety," I giggled, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

"This is true," Edward chuckled, wrapping me in a loose hug. "But, I think you're worried about something else. Talk to me, Bells."

I sighed, pressing my ear to his chest so I could listen to the steady thrum of his heartbeat. "I'm just...not ready for real life. In Phoenix, we were in a bubble. You and me. I loved it. Now? Work is beckoning along with the trivialities of my high schoolers and their drama, plus keeping our relationship on the down-low."

"We don't have to hide our relationship, Bells," he said. "I want everyone to know that I'm with you." I looked up at him and I saw a flash of sadness. "Are you ashamed to be seen with me?"

"What? No! Edward, you are amazing and sweet and kind and smart and..." I trailed off. "I just don't want to jinx us."

"Why would telling people that we're a couple jinx us?" he asked.

"You could change," I muttered.

"What?" Edward asked.

"You could change," I repeated, looking him in the eyes. "You're all sweet and awesome now, but what happens when you get tired of me?"

"Bells, that will never happen. I don't understand it. You are so confident, self-assured in so many aspects of your life, but when it comes to a relationship, you have next to no confidence. Have you considered talking to someone?" he asked, gently caressing my cheeks. "I want you to be happy. I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere, nor am I going to change into one of the douchebags that you were with. They never respected you or cared for you. I do. I will."

"I'm not broken," I sniffled.

"I never said you were, pretty girl," he said, crushing me to his chest. "Just consider talking to someone. You are a beautiful, smart, witty, sexy and phenomenal woman. You are not undeserving of a special, loving relationship. Those guys before me? They didn't deserve you."

He ran his fingers through my hair as I stayed cuddled up against his chest. I had to get over this feeling of inadequacy. Would talking to someone do that? Do they have a magical cure-all for low self-esteem? Where would I even look? Who could I turn to?

"Edward?" I whispered.

"What, pretty girl?" he replied.

"Do you think your dad can give me a name of a counselor or someone?" I asked.

I felt him smile against my hair. "I'll call him as soon as we land. Does that mean we can tell people?"

"You really are eager," I giggled.

"I've got the most amazing girlfriend. How can I not be eager?" he said, kissing my lips softly. "How about this? We don't outright tell people, but don't deny it if people ask. Work for you?"

"Perfect."

A/N: So, Bella's gonna try going to therapy because of her low self-esteem. (It sucks. Trust me. Not feeling good enough? Settling for less than the best? Yep, I've been there. Done that. Wrote the book. Literally. Check out A Fresh Start. It's loosely based on my divorce. Just sayin...). Am I going to delve into her therapy? That would be a no. I'm a teacher, not a psychotherapist (though, at times I feel I could be with all of the middle school drama I deal with...yeesh!).

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