Friends with Benefits

Chapter One Hundred Thirty-Two

Things I own: my sanity (though, that's debatable at times), not enough time to write and incredible friends and family!!

Things I don't: Twilight, Edward and Bella (Damn. It.)

Chapter 132

BPOV

"I don't understand that. Why? Paul treated you like a god damned doormat. Why would you defend him?" Alice asked.

"I don't know," I wailed, covering my face with my hands. "I hate Paul. I hate that he's using these girls and that he...he cheated on me. I don't know..." I rubbed my head, which was pounding from my crying jag. "I'm confused. I'm pissed at myself. On top of everything, I'm really baffled by Edward's confession."

"That he loves you?" Alice replied. I nodded. "Bells, he's loved you for as long as I could remember. He never acted on itbecause he valued your friendship. Then, you became a couple and he was trying sohard to not blurt it out until you were ready to hear it. Until you were ready to say it back. Until you loved yourself." Alice wrapped her arm around my shoulder, snuggling to my side, which I welcomed since I was still freezing. "The question is, do you love him back?"

Without thinking, I nodded. "Yes, I do love him. I've been in love with him since I was fourteen. Edward, though, was the unattainable. Perfection. I've been afraid to say it because every time I have, the guys changed," I muttered. "I still feel like I don't deserve to be with him."

"Well, get over that, Bella. My brother loves you. Yes, you're both morons, but you love each other," Alice giggled.

"Ali, I think I need help," I whispered, leaning my head against hers. "These feelings I'm having. They aren't normal."

"No, Bells. I know that you wanted to try and work it out on your own, but getting another opinion is not a bad thing," Alice said. "I see someone."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I had to see my counselor after that hellacious weekend with Barb," she shuddered. "I overheard her on the phone while she was having dinner with the family, saying that she hopes that Jasper would come to his senses and not marry me, move back to Texas and work with his father. She called you 'white-trash' and my mom an epic bitch. It took all my self-control to NOT bitch slap her. I told Jasper, who went off his mother, explaining that if she couldn't behave herself or keep her very wrongopinions to herself, she wouldn't be invited to the wedding. I had an appointment with my therapist, Lucy, the next day and spent two hours on the couch with her."

"Do you think Lucy would be a good fit for me?" I asked.

"Probably not. Lucy is great, but she's very uppity, like me." I made a face. "Exactly. You need someone more chill. Elsa, who is in the same practice would be more your style. I'll give you the number of the office I go to," Alice said, hopping out of bed. She burrowed in her purse, handing me a card. I clutched it to my chest, feeling still slightly lost. Alice went downstairs and reappeared with my computer. "You are a mess, Swan. Take tomorrow off."

"I have no more days," I grumbled.

"Bella, you need to work on you. Call that number. Have some hot, wild monkey make up sex with my brother. Tell him you love him," she said, putting my computer on my lap. I nodded, logging into the sub program and putting in my sick day. I also emailed Jasper with my sub plans, which were pretty simple. I already had the copies made on my desk. My students were working on their study guides with a partner for a huge review game on Monday before finals started on Wednesday. Whatever they didn't finish in class was homework.

Alice spent the night with me and suffice it to say, there was little sleeping. I was still so upset over my own behavior that I woke up crying several times during the night. Alice did the best she could to calm me down, but the person I wanted was not even home.

Has he given up on me? Does he still love me, even after what happened?

The next morning, Alice made me breakfast before leaving for her shop. She also stayed until after I made an appointment with Elsa, the therapist she recommended. I had an appointment for three that afternoon in her Wrigleyville office. I also called for anappointment with my gynecologist to get screened for STDs, even though I get one each time I go in for my shot. The earliest they could get me in was at noon today. I wanted to be sure that I didn't get anything from 'He-who-shall-not-be-named.'

Just before Alice left, Edward came back. He looked rumpled, disheveled, scruffy and hung over. Seeing him so unkempt made my eyes tear and I hated myself even more. I barely held back a sob. Edward looked up at me, his eyes red rimmed and puffy.

"I'm so sorry," I whimpered. I wanted to run into his arms, tell him that I loved him, but I wasn't sure how he'd react. Tears were streaming down my face and I just crumbled.

"Bells," he muttered, crossing over to me. "I'm sorry I yelled...and for everything else." He gingerly put his hand on my shoulder. With a shuddering sob, I wrapped my arms around his waist. He gathered me in his arms and he held me on his lap, crying just as hard as me.

A/N: Up next will be a big talk between these two...Leave me some!