That One Song

Chapter Forty: Explain what?

~Josh's P.O.V~

I watched as Kathryn walked fast towards the drivers side of the car. Just the way she walked indicated how pissed off she really was.

I couldn't blame her.

I regret everything I did to her, I loved her more than I had loved anything else in this world but my feeling had consumed me and I panicked.

I knew I shouldn't of left. I didn't say good bye. I didn't get to kiss her one last time. I was to weak and I left, I left the love of my life.

My eyes stung with the tears that I'd hoped wouldn't fall. 

That girl, Lauren. She's beautiful and it hurt so much to think I left Katy when she was pregnant with my child. 

I had always wanted a family, and I especially wanted one with Katy, but my stupidity and immaturity ruined everything! I hated myself for it! 

"I can drive if you want?" I asked.

"No" She replied harshly.

"Please Katy let me explain?" I said softly, understanding her anger at me.

"Explain what huh? That you decided one day to wake up and not fucking return?!" She yelled.

"I was scared! I didn't know what to do! I especially didn't want to hurt you!" I exclaimed.

"You didn't want to hurt me? Then why the fuck did you leave! I fucking loved you" She shouted, but her voice breaking at the end as she rested her head against the steering wheel and burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry" I said as a sudden burst of tears choked me as I looked over at the women I once loved, the women I still love.

A few minutes passed as we both wiped our cheeks and attempted to get our selves back together as she started the car and we drove off.

"Are you going to tell Lauren?" Katy asked coldly. Trying to block out her emotions. 

"I have to make up for what I did" I answered.

"Don't expect to much. It took me weeks" She said.

"Weeks?" I asked confusingly.

"Josh" She said as her voice cracked with tears. 

Her driving was slow as she concentrated on the conversation we were having. She turned her face and looked at me as we stopped at a red light, her raven black hair still as beautiful as ever.

"I couldn't do it on my own" She said.

"You know how much I wanted my dream to be a reality, and with Lauren I couldn't do it. I couldn't raise her by myself with no money and record at the same time. " She exclaimed and the light turned green and she put her foot on the accelerator and wiped her soft cheeks again.

"You gave her away?" I said quietly.

"You wern't there to help me were you?" She sneered.

"No, I wasn't. And if I could change  that I would!" I replied.

"Well you can't change it, can you? I can't change that the love of my life ran away from me" She cried. 

"I'll try. I'm going to make up for what I did." I promised.

"Make it up to Lauren. I will never forgive you. I can't even look at you without my heart feeling like it's getting ripped out every fucking time" She said.

I needed her back. I fucked up everything! As we drove in silence I made myself a promise. I am going to fight for what I lost. I lost a family. I lost love.