Jens pov
I'm laying in bed with leah. My head was on her chest and she was running her fingers through my hair. It was completely silent. At first it was me wanting her so bad then things started to hit me again. The flashbacks are starting to hit me more often and leah knew something was wrong but she fixed. She treats me right and it has me getting deeper feelings for her. I don't know if she feels the same with me but it seems like it because of how things are.
"Can I ask you something?" I say "sure what is it?" I sit up and went on top of her. "I-um..well.... i don't know.. I have strong feelings for you..and" I pause and she plays with my fingers. "I'm serious babe listen" "I'm listening!"
"Okay. Well- I really like you..in fact I think I love you" I say looking straight at her eyes "and I- I don't know if you feel the same way but I also think there's something not right. I feel like I can't love you because we have two daughters that are bestfriends who are still young and..well.. it would be weird if their moms were in love with each other. It's already weird that their moms are dating. I wanna take another step but I also don't. We are always with each other. It all happened so quick which I don't mind because I trust you not to like..cheat on me or whatever because you have a daughter and that would be a whole mess...I don't know..I wanna be with you but at some point the girls will question us even more" I said. Leah turned my hand over looking at my wrist.
"This..this means something. She'll always have your heart. You do everything for her and I know you don't want to screw things up because of a relationship since you two have already gone through so much. I'm not saying I'll make it worst because I would never do that..but it's up to you if you want Emme to be even more confused. She'll eventually get it and be happy for us but she's a smart girl for her age. So smart that she'll get confused. We could even explain when we are ready."
"What about sofia?"
"I'll explain to her if it happens. But she'll understand more"
"True..."
I sigh and play with her fingers again. "Honestly Jennifer" she says but I don't look at her "what?" "I think..ugh.." she paused and looks down at our hands. "I don't know. I like you. I don't wanna deal with anyone else..." "Me too.." I say and she looks up at me. Kind of scared. "But...i-i don't think we should..take this next step.."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't... I don't think I should..become your girlfriend yet"
Once she says that my heart aches. I kind of expected that because she's right but hearing her say it hurts me.
"Don't get me wrong..I really like you. You know that. But where is this going? No where. We are just having fun with each other but can't take the next step."
"I know..." I say and frown
"Don't look at me like that babe" She says with a frown and locks her fingers with mine. She knows I'm hurting. "I just- I don't want anyone else but you. You know me so well already. Your funny, cute, and Your personality is what makes me want you even more aside from looks and all. Yeah you're gorgeous and hot but.."
"I know I get you. I feel the same way about you"
"So-so What? Are we just..done messing around?"
"No..yes..I-I don't know."
"Leah I'm not planning on looking for someone else if that's what you think is best for me"
"I didn't say that"
"But you're thinking that. That I should just be with a man so it seems normal instead of Emme being confused with her mom in love with another woman..her best friends Mom."
"Jen..if you went with a man instead how would that go for her? Wouldn't that be worst? Women are more gentle. She'll approve that more than having a new guy who would maybe become her step father. If she's scared of me kissing you she'll be worst with some other guy kissing you. It's just an impression she'd get from a guy"
"She's just a little girl!"
"But- jen..I'm just trying to help."
I sigh and get off the bed. "Where are you going?" "Picking up the girls..come if you want." I say while changing into fresh new clothes.
"I'm sorry jen...I'm really just trying to help out"
"You're confusing me. You're saying this can't work out because we are both women but then you don't think I should find a guy because it'll be worst for Emme? So should I just be single??"
"No..that's not what I mean..I- I can't explain.."
I roll my eyes and shake my head. "Im sorry Jennifer. Im just-..don't be like that"
I deeply sigh again and run my fingers through my hair.
"You know what. It's fine. I'm fine leah. I'm fine..it's not you"
It's the fact that I've gotta sacrifice things for Emme. Even someone who I just fell in love with.
-
Leah's pov
The rest of this vacation didn't turn out how I expected. I thought we would be happy but I'm kind of bummed out how everything just happened. That talk that we had made me realize things even more. But I told her the truth. I wouldn't even try looking for anyone else. I didn't even look for anyone in the first place. I met her at my own apartment because of my daughter.
I like her. She's amazing. I know we can't be committed yet but I don't want her to look for someone else. It would hurt me of course. But knowing her story now..I don't think she even trusts anyone else. She just fell in love with me so easily. I don't get how because I'm not even worth it but I guess she finds me attractive so that's that.
We got back to my apartment. Her and Emme walked me and sofia up to our apartment helping with our luggage and shit that we bought. The girls went in Sofia's room and ended up leaving me and jen alone. I just started putting stuff away and started making dinner.
"Already cooking after coming back from our vacation?" Jen asks me. "Yeah" "you're such a mom" she teases and pokes me but I don't respond and I hear her sigh.
"Well ima use your bathroom first before I go"
"Okay" I say and she leaves. She's trying to cover up her feelings now.
I decide to make spaghetti, so I set all that up. Then sofia and Emme come to the kitchen. "What're you making Mom?" "Spaghetti" "spaghetti?!" Emme blurts and I look down at her. "Haha yeah.." I say then look away. "Did you want some?" "Yes please" She says cutely. "Well it'll take a while to make but your mom said you're leaving once she's out of the bathroom." "Noooo" she complains and pouts at me. "Can I watch you cook?" "Uh- sure. But you're too tiny to see from down there"
She reaches her hands out wanting to be carried. I hesitated but then I carried her and showed her what I was doing.
"Okay Emme lets-" I hear jen and she paused but I don't turn around. Eventually she walked up next to me and I looked at her. "Whatcha dooiiin?" She asks awkwardly and looks at the noodles in the pan. "Making dinner I said" I giggle. She looks at Emme then at me. "She wanted me to show her what i was doing and carry her" I say shyly. "Oh. That's cute" she says and presses her lips together and looks around.
"Emme lets go now"
"No I want spaghetti" she demands. "Okay miss attitude.. after you eat we're leaving." I smile at her then look back at the cooking. "You're really cooking. With one hand while carrying her in the other? I could carry her if you want." She said. "Okay." I say and attempt to give Emme to her but Emme won't let go.
"Emme come on let Leah cook"
Emme hugs me tighter and now I'm confused. This child is weird. First she's scared of me then she's okay with me then suddenly likes me so much?
"K..well ima steal your daughter till y'all are done bonding." She says with an attitude and her and sofia go in the living room. She's probably mad because of all this..not being her girlfriend thing. The attitude is hot but I know she's hurt too. I am too but I'm not showing attitude like she is.
