TMR / TBS Imagines 2

Newt // Anxiety *REQUEST*

* This imagine was requested by @EquineLilly
Thank you for being patient with me!

As you can tell by the title, this deals with the reader's anxiety. I personally suffer with anxiety a lot so my story is based on personal experiences and feelings I have with anxiety. It is different for everyone but this is how I feel it.

Warning: this has a detailed description of anxiety so read with caution *

(Y/N) was different from the others in many ways. One, she was the only girl in a field of boys. Two, she was one half of the only couple in the Glade after she fell in love with the British Second-in-Command. Third, she was suffering a mental illness.

Newt knew of her anxiety and did everything in his power to help her, especially since she was the one to help him while he battled depression. If his girl needed something, no matter what it was, the boy went to the end of the earth for it. But there were some times where he just couldn't do it all.

"Ready for dinner angel?" The pair had finished their hard day of working in the gardens when the dinner bell rang and they also waited a couple minutes for all the boys to get their food first. (Y/N) liked being last and Newt didn't mind at all.

(Y/N) giggled at the nickname he called her. Even after being together for so long she got butterflies in her stomach when he called her that. She held her arms up and waited for her boyfriend to pull her off the ground where they were sitting. She fell into his chest from the sheer amount of extra force he used to pull her up and they walked with his arm around her waist to the kitchen.

The pair joined the back of the line, noticing most of the boys had already gotten their fix and sat down. (Y/N's hand automatically latched onto Newt's arm when she heard a small group of boys file into line behind them. Their loud conversation was dialed down a few when they stood next to them yet it still felt like they were screaming beside her.

Newt took her hand off his arm and held both of her hands in his own. "Talk to me. Tell me about your day." He tried to direct her attention away from the other boys and instead onto himself.

"Umm, it was fine. You were with me for all of it," she laughed. Her hand flew to her mouth a second later.

You're laughing too loud. You're drawing so much attention towards you and Newt when you laugh like that. Do you really want to embarrass him like that? Her brain told her and she looked down at the ground again.

"Newt!" The Glades leader approached the both of them as soon as he saw where they were. (Y/N)'s eyes darted around the room after she heard Alby's loud voice boom out her boyfriend's name. Her hands started sweating when she saw all the boys eyes on them.

"I need your help. It shouldn't take too long but I'll get Frypan to hold food for you just in case," Alby explained without actually mentioning what he needed Newt for. (Y/N) hoped Newt would decline since it didn't seem that urgent.

Newt turned away from Alby to look at his girl. He took both of her hands again and brought them to his lips where he kissed each one. He knew that it probably wasn't a good idea to leave her alone, especially in a situation like this but his leader needed him and he couldn't say no.

"I'll be right back, alright? I should only be a couple minutes so you can go wait for me with our meals in your room. Sounds like a plan?" (Y/N)'s throat dried so she could only nod in response. Newt smiled and pressed another kiss to her lips before following Alby towards another part of the Glade.

(Y/N) stood there, her eyes darting around the room and her fingers twisting and fumbling together in front of her. The loud voices of the boys behind her were now soft whispers that she could barely make out.

They're talking about you. They know you're weak without Newt here. They're probably saying how much of a baby you are for needing Newt around you all the time. I bet Newt's only with you because he pities you.

She was broken out of her thoughts when the boys behind her gently encouraged her to move forward when the line moved. She stumbled forward, her arms wrapping around herself and her hands rubbing up her arms as she mumbled an apology.

When it was finally her turn, she reached for the empty bowl that Frypan would scoop her meal into. She held the bowl out and waited for the meal. Suddenly, the boys behind her began laughing loudly at something she didn't know about.

They're laughing at you. Look at you acting like a child. You can't even get your meal correctly.

"I'm not hungry anymore," she squeaked out before shoving the plate from her hands and into Frypan's. She took off running away from the kitchen towards her room in the secluded part of the Glade; she was more than thankful now for that.

She slammed the door shut behind her and quickly pulled her shoes off her feet before collapsing in bed. She buried her face in the pillow, taking in the scent that her boyfriend left behind on the pillow from the many nights that he had slept there. It usually helped but the smell wasn't calming her down this time.

After a few minutes of deep breaths, she felt her heartbeat fall back into a normal pace. Her hands and shoulders lost their tension so she was able to sink into the soft sheets. Her mind raced with more intrusive thoughts as she stared at the tubes of wood creating the wall to her hut. To calm herself down, she counted each one and reached 28 when she heard the door open.

"Love? Oh love, are you alright?" Newt had gone back to the kitchen in search of her but Frypan told him she ran off. He felt guilty for what happened since he knew how she got around the large group and how he promised her he would never leave her alone. He just hoped whatever he said now could help her.

"I'm fine," she whispered, only the crack in her voice counteracted the lie she told. Newt sat on the bed right beside her and stripped the sheets away from her face. He saw her exhausted eyes and sighed.

"No you're not. I'm sorry I left you." She shook her head while rolling onto her back to look up at him. She couldn't let him blame himself for this; he didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry for being a burden. I bet you want a normal girlfriend, someone who can be around other people without clinging onto you. I'm sorry," the girl cried, her eyes filling with tears even though she told herself never to cry in front of him.

Newt hushed her gently while slipping under the covers beside her. He carefully moved her body off the bed and over his chest with his back pressed against the headboard. His heart broke when he heard her call herself a burden because he thought the same thing of himself before he jumped.

"Love you are not a burden at all. You holding my hand when you're nervous makes me feel amazing cause I know that if I can calm you down then I'm doing my job as your boyfriend right. (Y/N) I care about you so much and I don't want anybody else, even if it meant they didn't have your illness. I love you and this doesn't make me love you any less. Please, just stop pushing me away and let me help you."

The girl internally battled with her mind like she did every other time the thoughts came. The ones now were just as bad as any of the other times but this time there was a light at the end of the dark tunnel and that light was Newt.

He had been there for her for as long as she could remember. He dealt with her anxiety attacks, her self-deprecating actions and her crazy way of doing things so that she could avoid other people. He loved her through all of it and never once became angry at her for it.

"Okay. I'm sor-"

Newt stopped her before she could even finish her apology. "You have nothing to be sorry for, angel. I'm here with you whether you have anxiety or not. I'm here with you till the end of the line. I promise."

Her days weren't as easy as others with her anxiety but she can manage. She has learned to do things differently in a way of protecting herself from an anxious situation. She can overcome this or learn to live with it if she reaches out and asks for help. She isn't what her brain tells her she is, she's a warrior.