Finding Me

Girl Power

"She just left?" Kalani asks, as we all lounge on my bed. Kai, and Kalani came barging into my room this morning talking about how today was the day they would teach me how to perfect a bottom turn. When I told them I didn't feel like it they bombarded me with questions, and before I knew it I was telling them about my mom.
"Yup" I say pulling the covers higher on my body
"I'm sorry" Kai says, pulling me into his body, and I suddenly feel uncomfortable.
I'm fine, really" I say quickly getting out of the bed. 
"Hey, you can talk to us" Kai says, but all this sympathy is giving me anxiety.
"I'm good nothing to talk about, anyway surfing let's go" I say heading to my closet to grab my bathing suit. I rush to the bathroom, my heart slams against my ribs. I quickly put my bathing suit on, as well as brush my teeth, and head out. I walk into the kitchen where Kai is talking to my aunt.
"I'm ready" I interrupt, my aunt smiles at me.
"Alright have fun, and tonight's barbecue night so be back by 7" my aunt says kissing my cheek on her way past me to her room. Kai smiles at me, his eyes sympathetic.
"Let's go and teach me the perfect bottom turn" I say heading to the door. The drive is quiet and awkward, but the beach is close so it doesn't last long. I know I'm being difficult, but I don't want to think about my mom, and I know Kai will want me to talk about her. I rush into the water, hoping the calmness of the water relaxes me.
"Now watch the master" Kalani says as she paddles past me. I watch her with a smile grateful at the distraction. I turn back to the shore to see where Kai was, and I see Deena there. They're standing close, her hand is on his shoulder in a comforting way, jealousy seizes my body. She pulls him into a hug, and her eyes meet mine, a smile on her lips.
"Were you even watching" Kalani asks. I quickly turn to face her, she smiles at me.
"Sorry I got distracted" I say, paddling out toward a wave. I catch the wave easily enough, something in me seems so determined to ride this wave flawlessly. I try the bottom turn, and I end up actually do it, my body swells with pride.
"You fucking did it" Kalani cheers as I paddle up to her a smile on her face.
"You did it so well V" she says
"Thanks!" I say still riding the high. I look over trying to see if Kai saw, but he's talking to Deena on the beach still, anger burns my insides.
"Come on try it again" Kalani says, pulling me from my anger, I smile, and paddle out towards the waves. Kalani, and I take turns ridding each wave, I try to keep my eyes off the shore, away from Deena, and Kai, but it's hard.
"Alright I'm wiped, can we head back" she says, as she lies on her board breathing heavily.
"Yeah go ahead, I'm gonna catch a few more" I say, looking out at the open ocean
"Wow someone's become Kelly Slater" Kalani says, I chuckle.
"Who?" I ask, she groans
"A famous surfer, world champion 11 times" she says excitedly, I nod, about to paddle back out.
"Okay see you in a bit" she yells, as I paddle out towards the wave. My body's sore, and I'm starving but as I stand on my board, everything disappears, it's just me and the ocean. I don't want to head back in, it feels like all my problems, and anxiety are waiting for me. My staunch growls violently, and that's when I decide to head beak. I drag my board in the sand, my arms aching.
"Wow your really getting good" Deena says as I grab a water from the cooler.
"Thanks" I say, my voice hard
"Isn't she, she did that bottom turn so quickly" Kalani says placing her arms around my shoulder.
"You did?" Kai asks his smile wide.
"Yeah, I guess you didn't notice" I tell him angrily, he looks shocked, but I'm too tired to care.
"Yeah sorry I kept him here talking his ear off" Deena defends making me angrier.
"Yeah I noticed" I respond, she nods.
"Hey are you okay?" Kai whispers, I glare up at him.
"I'm fine" I reply, grabbing my bag
"Guys I'm starving let's go get some food" Kalani interrupts trying to change the subject I'm grateful.
"Yeah, I'm actually not feeling so well I'm gonna walk back to my house" I say shoving my shirt over my head.
"Don't leave" Kalani says standing up and grabbing my arm
"Do you want to come" I ask, she smiles widely.
"Violet" Kai stammers, I glare at him.
"I'm sure we won't be missed that much seeing as you two haven't paid much attention to anything but each other" I state angrily, Deena stares at me, and I don't know if it's just me but she looks happy. I turn then grabbing Kalani, and walking forward.
"Wait" Kai yells grabbing my arm.
"Hey, what's wrong with you today" he asks
"Nothing, listen I know I've been a bitch today okay, and you needed to talk to someone I just kind of expected you to talk to me, or at least watch as I did a trick that you were suppose to teach me. Now Kalani and I have plans with my bed, and a whole lot of ice cream" I say. I don't let him answer I just turn, and continue walking. Kalani doesn't ask me if I'm okay, and I'm really grateful. We both rush to my room, bypassing my aunt, while grabbing a bunch of food from the pantry, and fridge.
"I know you probably don't want to walk about it, but are you okay?" She asks, as she opens a bag of chips. I break down, tears streaming down my face.
"I'm sorry" she says hugging me tightly. I cry, and whine about my life for a while, as Kalani listens intently, and we shove our faces with food. After I cry my eyes out we grab the tub of chocolate chip ice cream, and binge watch the office.
"God your brother probably thinks I'm psycho" I say, remembering all the stupid events of today.
"No you weren't psycho okay, he knows today isn't the best day for you, and he shouldn't have been with Deena all day" she says handing me the tub, I grab a huge scoop shoving it in my mouth.
"Thank you" I say my mouth full, she laughs, making me laugh.
"Seriously, thanks for today you're really great" I say, she smiles, and hugs me tightly.
"I am pretty amazing" she responds, whipping her hair back dramatically making me laugh snort.
"So I haven't seen Haku in a while" I nudge her, she groans.
"He's visiting some family, he'll be back in a 2 weeks" she says smiling
"You guys are adorable" I tell her, pinching her cheek, she giggles
"He's super amazing, and he's so kind" she tells me looking dreamily at the wall.
"I'm glad" I say, she nods her eyes glued to wall daydreaming. She ends up telling me all about how Haku lit up an entire boardwalk for her, and how he had a picnic at the end of the boardwalk, with all of her favourite foods.
"That's so cute, for a guy that's so quiet, and muscly he can be so romantic" I say, she laughs. We end up staying up till 3am taking about all the stupid, and cute things Haku, and Kai have done, it's really amazing to have a girl friend that I can trust, and be myself around.