Finding Me

Conclusion

"What do you already know?" I ask, my voice cracking.
"I don't know anything besides how crazy you and Kai have been acting" he expresses, his eyes wide.
"I'm sorry" I blurt
"About what?" He asks, I stand them my legs feeling restless.
"About today, you didn't deserve it," I state, he sits back running a hand through his hair.
"What happened Violet?" He asks, his voice hard.
"Kai started to panic about Kalani and I saw him starting to have a panic attack so I grabbed his face and hand and talked him down. I went to step back when he started to calm down but he held Onto my hand and," I stop my heart beating loudly in my chest.
"Then?" He says, his eyes glued to the coffee table.
"Then he kissed me" I sigh.
"And I'm so sorry that it happened. I swear I pushed him away" I add, but still nothing. He stands suddenly grabbing his keys, and heading towards the door.
"Dylan" I call, but he continues walking. I rush forward following him out the door.
"Please don't" I blurt feeling rushed and panicked. He turns towards me, I can see the confusion on his face.
"I'm going to stay somewhere else tonight" He nods. I want to beg him to stay, but I'm frozen in spot. I don't know what to say to get him to understand. I watch him get into his car, and drive away, quickly. I stand there staring after him for a while. I'm shocked, and beyond confused. When I get inside I wrap myself in a blanket, and lay on the couch.
...
"Vi" I crack open my eyes, a stream of sunlight makes me close them again quickly.
"Vi" Kalani whispers her hand on my side. I sigh and open my eyes. She's standing above me, her purse in hand.
"I'm gonna head home," She says, I sit up, my head swims slightly.
"Oh, okay," I say standing to stretch. I walk her to the door, and I notice she doesn't seem as sad today.
"You okay?" I ask
"Ya, I'm better. Kai set up an appointment for later today." She smiles
"Good, call me after," I tell her
"Of course, and thank you for last night. Also please apologize to Dylan for me, I feel bad" She chuckles.
"Ya I'll tell him" I smile, as she pulls me in for a hug. I notice Kai's waiting for her, anger boils through me. I shut the door and suddenly a burst of tears rush over me. I slide down the door feeling defeated. I want so badly to redo yesterday. To make sure Kai didn't kiss me. Why did he kiss me! My phone rings out, I rush up to answer it.
"Hello" I answer quickly without looking.
"Hey" when I hear Dylan's voice my heart hammers.
"Hi, how are you" I blurt and immediately hate it.
"That was awkward" I add.
"I want to talk about everything," He says ignoring my comment.
"I want that too, so come home" I urge
"I'm at my parent's house, can you come here?" He asks
"Sure, I'll be there in five," I respond already grabbing my keys. I hang up. and rush to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and calm my crazy hair. I change quickly and grab my purse.
...
Dylan's waiting outside when I pull up. He stands when I get out of the car. His hair is wild, and he looks tired.
"Hi" I speak first, my nervousness tripled. I step closer and I notice he has a cut, and bruise on his lip.
"What?" I mutter reaching out for him, but he steps back
"It's nothing" He states, his voice hard. I also notice another bruise blooming on his jaw
"What happened?" I ask worried.
"Nothing" He responds shaking his head.
"Are you okay?" I ask. I want so badly to reach out, and figure out what happened.
"No I'm not, my girlfriend kissed someone else" He says, his voice cracking.
"I didn't kiss him" I defend lamely.
"You let him kiss you, there is that better" He quips angrily
"You're not being fair. I didn't let him kiss me. I don't know what I can say to make you believe me" I utter uselessly.
"I want to know now if there were any feelings when he kissed you," He asks, I shake my head
"Violet, please if there was, you should tell me" He asserts, his tone sounding defeated.
"There wasn't. As soon as I realized what was happening I pushed him off. I don't want Kai, I want you!" I state, angry now.
"I'm tired of being told what I feel Dylan," I add
"I'm not telling you what you feel, and I'm tired of feeling second best to your ex" He responds
"You are not second best, do you honestly feel that way?" I ask
"Sometimes yes. Especially when I find out you two kissed, while I was ten feet away." He expresses bitterly
"I'm sorry he kissed me he shouldn't have, but I don't think I've given you any reason to feel second best. I've stated my boundaries with Kai, and I asked you what you were comfortable with. You told me it was my decision" I exclaim, my voice rising with every word.
"I expected you to pick me" He blurts finally. I stand back letting his words fall between us. The tension is so thick I feel like I can't breathe. I can feel my throat tighten, and the urge to let the tears fall is so strong I almost give in. Instead I bite my tongue, watching as his cheeks burn and he tuns away.
"I don't know what to say" I counter, he nods in agreement. I want to reach for him, to just kiss and makeup, but this feels heavier than that. This feels real, and powerful, like it's weighted to both of us.
"I think we need a break" He expresses. I was expecting the words but they still burned. I wanted to scream no, that we had to fix this now. That a break would only push us further apart. Instead I said.
"Okay" He finally turned back to me, his face was colder than I expected.
"I'll stay with my dad for now, until we figure the rest out" He explains. The rest being what, us, our house together? The swell of sadness peaks, but I push it away, and I think it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I pinch my leg to keep me centered and present.
"Okay" I say again, I would feel stupid but honestly I'll say anything to get out of this situation.
"Okay" He responds. I turn to leave, the sound of the gravel under me is loud, and fills my head.
"Violet," He says, I turn, maybe too quickly. His stone face has slipped, and I can see he's hurt right now.
"I'm sorry" He explains, and I think I can hear my heartbreak.