Finding Me

Roommate

I put down all my car windows, and blast my music. Work was boring as shit, and I could use some salty air. Hopefully it calms my frayed nerves. I've been woken up every night by a panic attack. It's been so long since I've had them this frequently, and now I can't seem to get away from them. I let the cool air swirl around me the loud music helps to block out some of the continuous noise in my brain. I pull into the driveway and immediately my heart pounds loudly in my chest, Dylan's car is in the driveway. I shut off the engine and grab the grocery bags from the back. The door's unlocked, so I don't have to rifle through my messy backpack. I don't hear anything when I get in, so I apprehensively head to the kitchen. I put the groceries down on the counter, looking around, but I don't see him. I walk down the hall, and finally I hear some rustling. I open the bedroom door, and find him shirtless in a towel, rummaging through our dresser.
"Dylan?" I hesitate. He freezes slightly, the muscles in his back bulging. He turns, his hair falls into his face. I have to stop myself from smiling at the adorable sight. He grabs onto his towel to secure it in place, shaking his head to move the hair.
"Hi" he responds, his tone normal.
"Hi" He looks around nervously, before settling back on me.
"I was just getting some clothes" He explains, I nod.
"I'm moving back in" He adds, and I swear my heart actually soars.
"Into the other room. It's only fair since we got the place together. Plus I need to get out of my dad's house" he explains rapidly, just like that my heart drops into my stomach.
"Okay, did you want this room, I can move my stuff" I stammer, he shakes his head.
"No, you can keep it, most of my stuff is moved into the other room, I just need the rest of my clothes" He responds, I nod again. Then the awkwardness of the situation settles and I realize he's still just in a towel. If this was a week ago I would have jumped him easily, but now I don't feel right looking at him basically naked.
"I'll leave you to it" I stutter, stepping back, he nods running a hand through his wet hair. I rush back to the kitchen to unpack the groceries and get my head around Dylan and I living together platonically!
...
"Are you serious, That's hella awkward" Laney whispers. We're on the back porch drinking some coolers, as Dylan sits inside watching TV. We've skirted past each other all day. Being overly polite, while also trying to avoid each other. Laney came over unannounced, her smile was huge when she saw him, but I just explained what happened. I down my drink, and grab another.
"I know, and now we can't even be friends" I state, my stomach twisting tightly. She gives me that sad smile, which only makes me feel worse.
"I'm sorry, but maybe take this as an opportunity" She smirks, and I raise my eyebrow confused making her chuckle.
"I mean you can make sure he sees what he lost" She winks, now making me laugh.
"What do you mean?" I say, she laughs loudly while pulling her hair up into a messy bun.
"Walk around in your underwear or if that's too much some really short shorts and a tank top" She winks again
"You're crazy" I quip, she shrugs smiling.
"I'm serious, trust me he won't resist you" She shrugs, I shove her with my foot. Laney stays for another hour before calling an uber and telling me how boring I am for not going out with her. So now I'm left with the cleanup of the empty cans and bottles. I let the breeze lull me as I stare off at the crashing waves, the salty air stinging my nose. Laney's previous nonsense about making Dylan see what he's missing pops into my head. I shake the thought, but it comes back and if I'm being honest it sounds kind of intriguing. What do I have to lose? Besides my dignity, and Dylan forever. I shove the negative thoughts away and decide that tomorrow I'll just happen to be in my bikini for most of the day. Dylan's favorite bikini coincidently.
...
I wake up to a loud buzzing noise, I groan and turn over pulling the blanket over my head. The buzzing continues, and I sigh loudly throwing the blanket off of me so I can sit up. I grab my oversized shirt off the ground and I'm about to throw it over my head, but I freeze. I'm wearing my black Nike sports bra with some shorts, maybe this is the opportunity I'm looking for. I quickly rush to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and pull my hair up into a bun. I walk towards the kitchen, the buzzing noise gone. Dylan stands shirtless in the kitchen, humming softly to himself. I smile at the scene, and notice how his back muscles contract, and it's quite distracting. So distracting I crash loudly into the wall. Dylan jumps, and turns toward me. His eyes are wide and I can feel the heat in my cheeks.
"Sorry, um I just, I'm still half asleep" I stumble on my words, he relaxes slightly a small smile on his face.
"You scared the shit out of me" he chuckles, and then it's like he remembers how awkward it should
Be and stiffens turning back to whatever he was doing. I head to the coffee machine which happens to be beside him, he scoots over slightly keeping his eyes trained on the apple he's slicing. I reach over him to grab a mug, relishing in the way, his eyes roam over me when he thinks I can't see.
"Any plans today?" I ask, hating how quiet it is.
"I have to go to work soon, but besides that no" he answers quietly.
"You started working with your dad?" I ask, he nods chewing an apple slice.
"Just some book keeping" he explains, I nod.
"That's good" I smile
"How about you?" He asks
"Probably sit home all day, it's my day off" I respond sipping my very hot coffee and instantly regretting it. I try to keep a straight face, but he notices and grins slightly
"Shut up" I say, and he shrugs still smiling. I move to open the back door, letting the breeze fill the kitchen.
"I was thinking of making a shed in the back, for our boards and stuff" he says, warmth fills me. I turn to him, shock on my face.
"What?" He asks
"Nothing, I just you don't have to for me I mean cause I get it you know" I stammer completely embarrassing myself.
"It's fine really, and I was actually wanting to talk to you" he says, biting into another apple slice.
"Okay, shoot" I cringe immediately, but he doesn't notice.
"I want us to be able to live together as friends" he says. I didn't know the word friend could hurt so much. I sip my coffee to give myself some time.
"I just think it's better than being awkward and I do miss being able to talk to you normally" he adds noticing my hesitation.
"I miss that too, and I think friends is... it's a good idea" My voice cracks but I hope he doesn't notice.
"Good, well I'm gonna go get ready" he smiles. I watch as he walks back to his room. This is gonna be a shit show.