Finding Me

Over Now

I'm sitting by the raging fire, staring at the disappearing sparks. The heat emanates outwards, So I'm hit with a gust of hot air. People are drinking around me, the music pounds loudly from the multiple speakers. My body feels glued to this broken down sofa, my body weighted in more ways than one. I'm at a party filled with people, and I feel completely alone. I don't know why I even showed up. I feel like I could just disappear right here, and it wouldn't matter. Dylan's still on his date with Elle, Kalani and Jackson are here but they're preoccupied with each other. Not like it matters anyway I can't focus on anything. I sink lower into the worn out sofa, a deep weight on my chest. I stare into the flames, my eyes instantly drying from the heat. The weird thing is my mind is completely blank, all I feel is deep loneliness. The more I think about it the more it sinks in that I am completely alone.
"Mind if I sit?" I hear someone ask, I look up and see Kai.
"Sure" I say moving over slightly. He sits down next to me, the couch is small so were squeezed tightly
Together.
"So" he mutters, as I look back at the fire.
"So.." I repeat, he chuckles slightly. I can feel his eyes on me, tracing my features. I continue staring straight ahead.
"Are you okay?" He asks, the thought makes me laugh. Am I okay?!
"Ya, I'm fine" I answer, he nods sipping his beer.
"Dylan still on his date?" He asks
"Ya"
"Is he coming here after?"
"I think Kalani told him to" I say, he nods again.
"Hey, can I talk to you about something?" He asks, I shrug in response.
"So I know it hasn't been that long since we broke up, and I know Riley can come on strong." He starts
"She's really into PDA, and I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable" he explains. Annoyance courses through me. Why was he talking to me like I was some insecure little girl. Or like I was still hung up on him. Seeing him and Riley didn't bother me.
"It's fine, doesn't bother me" I respond, he raises an eyebrow.
"Okay, good. Just wanted to... um talk to you about it" he finishes, I nod.
"Babe" Riley calls suddenly. She rushes over plopping down on Kai's lap.
"Violet" she smiles
"Riley" I respond, making her laugh. I down the rest of my beer, the liquid now warm.
"Elle, hey girl" I hear, and I instantly turn. I spot Dylan immediately. He's wearing a collared shirt and slacks. He looks really good. I turn to Elle, she's wearing a beautiful red dress, with black  heels.
"Mind if I steal your beer" I ask taking Kai's beer before he answers and chugging it.
"Oohhh" Riley giggles in response. They make their way toward us, Dylan's eyes land on mine and he smiles. My stomach turns. I can't help but smile back.
"Elle" Riley cheers jumping up to hug her. So they're friends.
"So, how was it?" Riley asks looking at both of them now. A sharp pain shoots through me and I realize I don't want to hear how great it was. I stand, Kai look at me confused.
"Gonna go grab another drink" I say pushing past Riley and Elle. I rush to the drink table, my heart beating wildly in my chest. I grab another beer, and take a sip.
"Calm down" I whisper to myself. I walk slowly back to them, and notice Elle sat in my spot, anger courses through me. Dylan spots me again, and grins at me slightly. God why does he have to look at me like that. Why does it always make me all gooey inside.
"Hey" he says when I get there.
"I was sitting there" I tell Elle ignoring Dylan.
"Oh sorry, do you mind I've been walking all night in these" she smiles at me. I'm annoyed, and honestly angry.
"I do mind actually, find another spot" I grimace back, her eyes widen, but I don't care. She gets up and I quickly sit down staring back into the fire. I take a small sip of my drink.
"So as I was saying, he took me to Vinny's that fancy Italian restaurant " she says.
"It was so romantic, but I was so overdressed" she laughs, anger sweeps through me.
"Then he said the cutest thing Riles, he was like you could wear anything and still look great" she coos, my heart stalls slightly.
"He's just the cutest" She quips, and I make the mistake of looking up. She has her arms wrapped around him, her head resting on his shoulder. I look up at Dylan, his eyes are glued to mine. My stomach flips violently. It feels like he's saying something to
Just me, like it's only us here.
"Right dilly" I hear Elle's voice, and I drop my gaze, and quickly look away.
"Dilly?" I laugh a little before I take a big swig of my beer to distract me. Elle stares at me, a sickly sweet smile on her face.
"Dylan when did you get here" Kalani walks up attached to Jackson's arm.
"Couple minutes ago" he says, she nods. I block them out, unable to listen to Elle explain here date to Kalani.
"Vi" I hear, I quickly look up, Kalani's looking at me.
"What?" I ask, she smiles.
"That Zander guy was asking about you" she says
"He's super into you" Jackson says
"Do guys have brains?" I ask, Jackson looks a bit taken back
"Sorry?" He asks
"I've told the guy no multiple times but still he persists as if by me saying no it has to mean yes. Because men can't fathom a woman not wanting them!" I state, my voice razor sharp.
"And when you actually do want them they move on to someone else even after flirting or kissing you! Tell me how does that work?" I add looking directly at Dylan. Everyone looks beyond shocked at my outburst but anger courses through me.
"Oh and then you have to be jealous of any girl they're with because of course I'm a woman, and you know they can't get over anything with all their emotions, especially not a guy" I finish. They all stare eyes wide and jaws dropped.
"Just a thought" I say before downing the rest of my beer.