Finding Me

Time To Panic

"I've never seen Kalani act like this in a relationship before" Kai says as we watch the couple laugh and blush over the burning fire.
"She does seem different" I admit, watching as Dylan wraps his jacket over her bare shoulders.
"She's usually so self assured" he expalins, I look up at him, his eyes are filled with emotions.
"You okay?" I ask, he looks down at me, pulling me closer to his side.
"Yeah, I'm just happy she's happy" he tells me, my hearts melts at his word.
"You're cute" I blurt, making him blush slightly.
"So are you" he responds leaning down to kiss me.
"I see the happy couples back together" someone butts in, making us break apart.
"Luna" Kai sneers, his voice hard.
"I was so sad to hear you guys broke up, but I see now it didn't last long" she says batting her eyes at us.
"Yup were good" I snide, she tightens her smile sitting down next to me.
"Can I ask what happened I mean I would just hate to think someone got between you two" she fakes innocence, her hand going to my knee.
"It's none of your business" Kai tells her, she clicks her tongue.
"Oh I seem to have hit a nerve" she giggles, I push her hand off my knee.
"Can I ask how you found out about our breakup?" I ask, she seems to falter.
"Just through the grape vine" she dismisses, surprising me.
"There you are, Ive been looking all over for you two" Deena says, looking between us, and Luna.
"Deena" Luna groans, her eyes hard
"Luna, its so nice to see you, and I love that you got your nose done it looks so much better" Deena says happily, Luna glares her eyes hard.
"You to, and Conor told me to tell you he's going out of town so don't expect a call, he also told me how flexible you are, good for you" she cheers. I stare between them uncomfortable at the interaction.
"Well anyway I have to go, but don't be a stranger Kai" Luna says giving her best sexy smile and walking away.
"God I hate her!" Deena screeches, crossing her arms.
"How did Luna know about our breakup?" I ask kai quietly.
"I have no idea, I didn't tell anyone" he replies. My eyes drift to Deena who's smiling at us, my skin prickles.
"So what did she want?" Deena asks, leaning forward.
"Nothing just being Luna" I say quickly, she nods slowly, and I get a really bad feeling.
"I'm just gonna go talk to K, I'll be right back" I tell Kai.
"Gimme gimme" he puckers making me smile. I lean down kissing him passionately, a little bit to show Deena, but mostly because I love kissing him. I rush to Kalani, and Dylan, who are laughing quietly by the water.
"Guys I need to talk to you" I interrupt, they both turn to me, their smiles faltering.
"What's wrong?" Dylan asks worried.
"Luna just said she was sorry to hear about our breakup" I tell them, they continue to look confused.
"How does she know" I stammer, they both shrug.
"Maybe she saw you guys being distant?!" Kalani explains, I shake my head.
"I don't think so, cause Deena when we were at the diner talked about it" I explain turning towards Kai, and Deena.
"Okay that's weird" Dylan says
"I know" I say, Kalani grabs my hand and squeezes it.
"Do you think maybe it's just a coincidence, like you're reading into things?" Kalani asks, her words stinging slightly.
"I'm sure it's not all in her head" Dylan defends, I feel frozen then. Shame washes over me, I was overreacting, I was just being stupid and overthinking again.
"I didn't mean it like that" Kalani explains, I nod.
"No I know, your right thought" I say, my voice feeling hollow.
"Vi" she says, I shake my head, panic seeping in. My skin feels clammy, and I can tell my face is red.
"I'm good, you guys have fun" I stammer, my words sluggish. I back up quickly trying to find the quickest way out. I rush past the fire, Avoiding Kai's eyes. I get to the parking lot, it's empty. My breathing becomes rapid, as my heart hammers loudly, so loudly I can't hear anything else's. I feel a hand on my back, rubbing circles on my back. I focus on the pattern, but it eggs the anxiety on, my heart pounding faster.
"I can't breathe" I groan, holding my chest.
"Look at me Violet" the voice commands, I finally look up, Dylan's face close to mine.
"I can't breath" I say again, he nods, holding my face still.
"Here focus on my breathing Violet" he commands breathing in, then out, in then out. I close my eyes the thought of someone seeing me like this causes a new panic to settle in.
"Breathe" Dylan chants, his voice calming me. I finally move over towards the curb, sitting down on shaky legs. We sit there in silence, our hands together, he squeezes my hand ever so often, bringing me back to reality.
"I'm okay" I say after a while.
"I know" he responds.
"You can go back to Kalani" I add, pulling my hands away, my eyes anywhere but him. Awkwardness settles inside me as I image how annoying it must have been to see me like this.
"I know I can, I want to be here" he says, tears well up in my eyes.
"Thank you" I whisper hoping I don't cry.
"You're important to me to Violet, I'm always gonna be here" he says, I turn to him now. He smiles at me, I lay my head on his shoulder, tears dripping down my face. I've never been comfortable being like this around people too afraid what they might think, but Dylan calms me.
"I thought I was better" I stammer, he shifts.
"I think anxiety comes and goes, you're gonna have better days, days where you completely forget. Then there are gonna be days where this is all you feel" he explains, I take a deep breath, my body shaking.
"I hate being broken" I admit angrily.
"You're not broken, okay maybe we're both a little bent" he laughs, making me chuckle.
"Thank you, really I know the attack would have been worse if you weren't here" I tell him, he nods.
"Just so you know I don't think you're overreacting about Deena I have a weird feeling" Dylan says his tone serious.
"You do?" I ask, he nods, his hands clasped tightly
Together.
"I don't trust her" he says, I nod, remembering the loaded looks she's been giving me.
"So how do we figure it out?" I ask