Finding Me

??????

I've locked myself in my room, going over the kiss. Again and again. It hasn't left my brain, it's on replay, and it's making me go crazy. I'm so beyond confused. I want to talk to Dylan, I want him to explain as much as he knows but I can't move. I'm glued to my bed. I haven't checked my phone once since that night. I curl my knees up to my chest, burying my head between my legs. I can feel the kiss zing through my lips. How can I still feel it, I just now remembered the damn thing! I shift out of bed pacing my room. I should just texts him, I need to know his side fully. What if I've ruined everything. Dylan's my best friend. What it he hates me, I'd hate me! I grab my phone, stalling. I shift back and forth on the balls of my feet. I quickly dial his number before I can chicken out. I need to fix it.
"Hey" he picks up on the first ring, it makes my stomach sink with guilt.
"Hi" I reply
"I'm sorry vi" he blurts quickly
"No please don't be, I should have called earlier, and I should say sorry." I admit picking at the loose thread on my bedsheet.
"I miss you, I mean are we ever gonna be friends again?" he asks
"I miss you too" I say only realizing then how true it was. We hadn't talked in three days and I've thought about him everyday.
"Can we meet up and talk?" I ask
"Yes, Of course when?" He responds.
"Now, you can come over" I suggest
"Okay I'll be there in ten" he says I can hear him rustle around on the other line.
"Okay see you soon" I hang up. I sink to the ground, my nerves jumbling together. I quickly change out of my pyjamas, and tidy up my room. I sit stiffly on my bed until I hear the doorbell. I rush to answer the door, my sock clad feet sliding on the hardwood.
"Hey" he says once I open the door. He looks tired. I pull him into a tight hug. He hugs me back just as tightly. I lead him to my room, silence between us.
"So, what do you want to know?" He asks sitting down on the bed.
"Everything, from your perspective" I say, he nods fiddling with his keys.
"Well we were dancing, and you asked me if I found you attractive. I told you, you're beautiful..." he blushes
"Then you were talking about Kai and how stupid you felt, I told you, you shouldn't feel stupid obviously. I don't remember who moved first but we kissed." He finishes. He's being nice, he knew I kissed him first.
"I kissed you first" I add, he looks shocked.
"You remember?" He asks
"Everything" I nod, he nods back.
"So what now?" He asks.
"Can we go back to normal please?" I ask, he looks relieved
"Yes" he chuckles making me laugh in return.
"Good, cause I missed you" I say, he nods. My phone rings out, I reach over picking it up.
"Hello"
"Hey, it's Kai" he responds, I look over at Dylan, who's made himself comfortable in bed.
"Hey, what's up?" I ask feeling stupid
"Well, Kalani and I are going surfing you want to come?" He asks his voice unsure.
"Sure, can Dylan come?" I ask, Dylan looks at me confused.
"Ya sure" he says
"Ok cool, ya we're down" I answer for Dylan
"Okay we'll pick you guys up in twenty" he says before hanging up.
"Wanna go surfing?" I ask
"It sounds like I don't have a choice" he laughs, I nod. I move to my closet grabbing my bathing suit.
"Luckily I always wear my board shorts" he laughs, I nod. I hide behind the closet door changing quickly. A weird hope that I'm enticing him floats through me, before I quickly shake it off. What the fuck.
...
The beach we go to is basically empty, which is awesome.
"You know what I just remembered" Dylan says, I turn board under my arm.
"I don't have a board" he smirks
"You idiot" I laugh loudly, he shoves me and kalani, and Kai look over.
"He forgot his board" I say between fits of laughter.
"Shut it" he mumbles laughing.
"You can share mine" I say, Kai's eyes widen. I shrug.
"What we do it all the time,  just hop on the back we can swim out and float. I'm exhausted I've been surfing a lot lately" I say, Dylan nods a flush to his cheeks. We all paddle out, Dylan's long arms spring us forward.
"Jesus" I laugh
"It's my lanky arms" he explains, I nod. We paddle far out, and end up watching Kai and Kalani surf.
"So is it weird, with Kai?" Dylan asks, as I shift to turn to him on the board.
"Not as much as you'd think" I say, he nods his eyes roaming over me slightly, I blush. I notice some sand close to his eyes.
"You have sand by your eyes... here let me" I say moving closer, so our knees are touching. I wet my hand, and rub off the sand.
"How is there so much, what did you do rub your face in the sand?" I joke, he chuckles.
"Ya you didn't see?" He asks making me laugh loudly.
"Hey one of you want to switch I'm tired" Kalani paddles up to us.
"Go for it bud" I smile at him, he nods. They exchange places, Kalani plopping down beside me. We watch as he paddles off.
"So what's up with you two?" Kalani asks
"What do you mean?" I ask, a blush colouring my face.
"Well, you guys just seem cozy" she shrugs.
"Is this from you or Kai?" I ask, she looks away.
"I'm just asking" she defends
"Nothings going on, we're close" I say, she nods.
"So the other night?" She asks, I sigh.
"Something happens but we're fine now" I explain.
"Oh okay" she smiles, I can tell she wants to ask, but I don't know if I want to tell her. Maybe I just need some time to think about it.
"Vi we have to show them the trick we do" Dylan slides next to us.
"I'm gonna fall" I laugh, he extends his hand.
"Fine" I relent moving onto the other board.
"Don't laugh" I tell Kalani and Kai, they both nod. Dylan paddles us out a bit, we sit and wait for a wave.
"Okay now" he says, I grab around his waist and we go under.  When we surface we're on a wave, I stand first and he follows. His hands wrap around my waist, and we actually last longer than the first time we did this. But the I slip and we fall. We both bubble up laughing.
"Nice" he says, I push him pulling myself onto the board, he follows behind. We paddle back to Kai and Kalani.
"So?" I ask, Kalani claps
"Wow" she smirks, and so does Kai.
"Thank you, we know we're amazing" Dylan says making me blush and laugh. Kai's eyes roam over me, and I quickly look away.