The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

Little Lad

There once was a little lad. He was called, "Little Lad." For he was little, and he was a lad.

Every time he walked into town, people would amiably smile, wave, and say, "Hey Little Lad." He would cheerfully smile back, wave, and reply with, "Hello."

When he would walk, people would exclaim, "Walk Little Lad!"

When he would run, people would shout, "Run Little Lad!"

When he would dance, people would cry out, "Dance Little Lad!"

When he would shit, people would cheer, "Shit Little Lad!"

Then one morning he was given a plate of spinach for breakfast. His mother said, "Eat up Little Lad."

The following morning he awoke, but he now grew to a relatively normal-sized lad. He was no longer a "Little Lad." He walked into town that day, but no one recognized him. He went up to the townsfolk and said, "Hey, it's me... Little Lad."

The people looked at him puzzled, they stroked their chin and said, "Hmmmm....Well you are a lad, but you are not little. Maybe you are regular-sized lad, but you are definitely not Little Lad!"

Little Lad was sad, because even though he grew, he was now no longer unique. He became like the rest of the lads of the town. No one recognized him anymore. So he decided to take drastic measures. He grabbed his father's chainsaw and revved it up. He then proceeded to chop off his legs at the knees. He shrieked in agony from the immense pain. "Ahhh!!! My legs!"

His mother ran from out of the house to find Little Lad laying in a puddle of his own blood. She shouted, "Oh no!!!!" She then took a spoon and dipped the spoon into the blood. She tasted the blood and said, "Hmmm...Salty, bloody, with a subtle taste of spinach....Wow! This is Little Lad!" She picked him up in her arms and ran as fast as she could to the nearest hospital.

After Little Lad was cleaned up, stitched up, and regained consciousness, the doctor asked him, "What in the H-E-double hockey stick were you thinking?"

Little Lad replied, "I was just trying to be a Little Lad again."

The doctor said, "Why didn't you just ask me, or any other doctor, like the prescription drug-pill commercial told the viewers to do? Ask your doctor about such & such. Did you not see the commercial for the prescription drug-pill that transforms you back into a little lad again? Sure there are a massive amount of side effects, but none of those side effects are highly likely, they are just likely."

Little Lad befuddled, mainly due to massive blood loss, responded, "No sir, I did not see the commercial."

The doctor then said, "Hmmm...I see. Well, let me prescribe you some glasses because your eyes seem to be the problem here."

Little Lad was then given glasses, and when he went into town wearing his new glasses, one of the shopkeepers said, "Wow. Cool spectacles young lad. I'm going to call you Cool Spectacles Young Lad"

Little Lad was elated due to the compliment and new identity, therefore he literally jumped with glee and said, "Thaaaaaaaankkkk you, sir!" He then landed harshly on his vulnerable recovering legs, his stitches broke open, his legs shattered at the knees, he instantly collapsed, he lost consciousness, and he bled profusely.

The shopkeeper strolled over to where Little Lad was laying, then he bent down and snatched Little Lad's glasses right off his little face. He then put the glasses on his face and found the nearest mirror to see how they looked on him. He then said, "Perfect, I needed new spectacles, and these here spectacles are coooool. I'm now Cool Spectacles Man."

Meanwhile, Little Lad, still laying on the ground unconscious with nothing to stop his bleeding, drowned in his own blood, blind, and without legs...but at least he was little again.

The End.