The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

The Waterfall

"COWABUNGA!" shouts Billy as he jumps off the waterfall, wearing his black sunglasses. *SPLASH* He lands in the water.

(His friends cheer in excitement.)

Katelyn - "Oh my gosh Billy, that was so badass."

Chad - "Yeah that was gnarly Billy."

Billy (pops up from underneath the water) - "Ain't nothing but a G-thang."

(His sunglasses still remain on.)

Cool Shoe - "How did you manage to keep your sunglasses on?"

Billy - "I glued them to my face, c'mon, how else do you think I managed this? Hey Chad, who invited this novice?"

Chad (puts on his Oakley sunglasses and sticks some chewing tobacco in his mouth. He packs a fat lip of dip) - "Bro, I swear, I thought he was chiller before, my bad. Here drink some beer. You're not yourself when you're sober" Chad tosses him a beer.

Billy (grabs his key and uses it to crack open the beer, and shotguns the beer in 3 seconds) - "Hey Cool Shoe, did you just time my chug?"

Cool Shoe - "No I didn't time it, I didn't know you wanted me to. I'm sorry."

Billy (exasperated) - "What the fuck dude! Bro! Once again, who invited this novice? Hey babe, toss me another beer."

(Katelyn throws Billy a beer and Billy catches it).

Billy (says in a demeaning tone) - "Okay Cool Shoe, are you ready to time me? Get your phone out, give me a countdown, and fucking click the timer button."

Cool Shoe (nervously scrambles to pull his phone out and performs a countdown) - "3,2,1, chug!"

(Katelyn and Chad cheer Billy on. Cool Shoe, not wanting to be a social outcast, then joins in with the chant. Billy chugs the beer in incredible time. He tosses the can down with fury and enthusiasm, and flexes his muscles in celebration).

Billy (ecstatic) - "Fuck yeah!"

(Billy hi-fives Chad, slaps his girlfriend on the ass and goes to high-five Cool Shoe, and Cool Shoe not having any arms or hands, leaves Billy hanging.)

Billy (embarrassed, turns red and then gets angry) -"What the fuck bro! Do we have problem? Why are you leaving me hanging?" Billy points to his empty held up hand.

Cool Shoe - "I'm sorry, I don't have any hands so I'm mentally high-fiving you."

Billy - "Well I'm mentally fucking your mom right now."

Cool Shoe - "Billy, I'm sorry."

Billy - "Well I'm not sorry I fucked your mom...and I fucked her without a condom."

Chad - "Shit Billy! You are an absolute savage bro! I can't wait to tell the boys that my boy doesn't give a flying fuck! He fucked someone's mom, who also happens to be a shoe! Billy fucked a shoe!"

Billy (haughty) - "Damn straight."

Katelyn (in tears) - "Fuck you Billy! How could you cheat on me!? You told me you loved me, and I gave you my virginity!"

Billy - "It's a joke, calm down babe."

Cool Shoe (relieved) - "Oh thank God, I thought you really did commit that heinous deed."

Billy - "You are lucky you are a talking shoe, otherwise we would never hang out with you."

Cool Shoe (suddenly grows a pair of balls , both figuratively, and literally) - "You are lucky there aren't any other talking shoes and/or other talking articles of apparel, otherwise, I would never hang out with you buffoons."

Chad - "We aren't buffoons, but Harry is." Points to Harry.

Harry the Baboon - "Chad, once again, I'm not a buffoon, I am a baboon. There is a difference."

Katelyn - "Yeah, why don't you get more cultured Chad! You are so racist, and bigoted." 

Billy - "Yeah bro, you need to travel more, it will make you more culturally competent. Hate to say it bro, but you are a bigoted moron."

Chad - "I went to Bangkok and fucked a stripper, who happened to be a lady-boy... how is that not cultured!?"

Cool Shoe (interjects) - "I did the same thing!"

Chad (scoffs) - "You definitely didn't do that shit....shiiiit."

Katelyn - "Yeah that is definitely a lie."

Harry the Baboon - "I apologize Cool Shoe, but I would presume, based on your patterns of behavior, that you definitely falsified that story. It is not in your character to have sexual intercourse with an exotic dancer, let alone attend a strip club."

Cool Shoe - "I would, but they don't let shoes in unless I am accompanied by feet! It's wack."

Katelyn - "So wack...like so wack..."

Chad - "I still wack off to that experience."

Billy - "Who wants to see me chug another beer?"

The End.