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My Encounter With Robert Downey Jr.

A knock on my door forces me to open it. A man is standing in close proximity and inquires on whether or not I know about the disappearance of John Watson. I do not give him an answer, instead, I punch him square in the nose as soon as I recognize who I am speaking to. "Pow! Right in the sniffer!" I say as my straight right hand lands flush on the man's nose. "I am not fooled. No not I, this is just a sad attempt at a disguise. I would recognize that smug face of yours even if you covered it with a brown paper bag. You fuel wars with your weaponry sir! This one is for peace!" I shout with enthusiasm as I hit him with a right hook square to the jaw. The man flattens to the floor.

The man quickly begs, "Please sir, stop! I think you have the wrong man!"

I respond, "You mean to tell me you are not Tony Stark, aka Iron Man.....you know, from all of those average Marvel Movies that I consistently pay $15 to sleep through."

The man shouts, "No! Iron Man is not real, I am Robert Downey Jr. Jesus are you mad!?"

I immediately hit him with a left hook, this punch also connects square to his chin, "Pow! Right in the kissa!" I exclaim with glee!

Robert Downey Jr., still laying helpless on the floor turns his head to the side and throws his hands in the air to defend from another punch and shouts, "Why the hell do you keep hitting me!?"

Without giving him an answer, I instantly run to grab some grated parmesan cheese. There was a container of it recently purchased from the grocery store in a bag placed down inside my house sitting by the front door. The bag still lay there full of groceries because I was unable to put them away since Robert Downey Jr. had rudely interrupted me.

I grab the container and proceed to blissfully sprinkle the parmesan cheese all over his smug, battered-face, knowing that the parmesan cheese would lead to nasty cystic pimples. He would have to deal with those for weeks. *Hehe* I put down the cheese, and tell him, "You are lucky that I am such a kind and merciful person. You deserve a lot worse for the kind of mental abuse you made Zach Galifianakis suffer on the film Due Date. Good day Sir!"

I step over his body as I stroll back into my house and slam the door leaving Robert Downey Jr. just lying there with his newly pimpled, bruised and parmesan cheese covered face. Once I am inside, I get back to the important task of putting away my groceries. Once I am finished, I turn on the television and the film Tropic Thunder pops onto the screen. Not even two seconds roll by before I am forced to see it once again! That arrogant, smug face of his looking back at me! I immediately become outraged and throw my television out the window. Luckily for me, my television lands safely on Robert Downey Jr's bloody face. I grab a can of salmon from the cupboard, open it up and take a large whiff. I wince from the smell but smile and proceed to mutter to myself, "Oh yes, nice and smelly." *Rubs hands together in a villainous way* I storm out the door to find Robert Downey Jr. still rolling around and whining where I left him. I dump the can of salmon down his shirt, and say to him, "John Watson, never heard of him." Then I proceed to punch him one more time for good measure.

FIN