The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

The Fried Tomato

There once lived a tomato, he was confused, for he did not know whether or not he was a fruit or a vegetable. Many placed him with the other veggies but others said, "Poser! You have seeds therefore you are a fruit!"

The tomato was torn, he didn't know which side he should choose, he asked if he could be both, the farmer said, "You cannot have your cake and eat it too!"

The tomato was perplexed and asked, "Wait why? So if I buy a cake, you are telling me I can't eat it? There seems to be some holes in your logic."

The farmer, aggravated with the tomato's response said, "It is what everyone says, therefore it must be correct."

The tomato said, "On what planet does consensus equate to truth?"

The farmer replied, "Earth! The planet you are living on!"

The tomato exclaimed, "What kind of lunacy is this? This is madness!"

King Leonidas, general of the Spartan army, appears and shouts, "No, this is Sparta!" And proceeds to front kick the tomato into the fire.

The tomato shouts, "Ahhhhhhh!!!" Then proceeds to burn alive.

The farmer enjoys the sweet scent of the cooked tomato, therefore he waits a few moments before pulling the tomato out from the fire. The tomato now has a nice crisp and is more juicy and flavorful than ever before, he has now become a fried tomato.

The newly tanned fried tomato says, "Wow! Going through the fire, through the pain, and through the suffering, I have come out stronger, better, and more complete."

The farmer takes a bite of the tomato, and says, "You have also become tastier."

The fried tomato then is eaten between two slices of bread with mustard drizzled on his head and covered with a blanket of lettuce while lying lifeless on a slab of thinly sliced oven roasted turkey breast.

The End.