The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

The Jungle

Setting: A classroom in a city.

Teacher (to his students) - "Welcome to the jungle bitches! Well technically this is a city, well technically a classroom in a city...What I am trying to say is that either way this isn't truly a jungle, but they do say that this city is a concrete jungle. You see class, our climate doesn't meet the qualifications to be classified as a jungle. It just isn't tropical enough, even with the humidifier and plant I just purchased...Though, I think I am not alone when I proclaim that the city is just as wild if not more wild than a real life jungle. Actually, come to think about it, the city is vastly more wild than a jungle. A jungle is where pussies go to breed. Real savages fuck in the cities! That is what Sir Charles Barkley taught me. I asked him to teach me about basketball, but instead he decided to give me a quasi-geographical-biological-philosophical lesson about where certain species tend to breed. Shout out to Big Charles! I am honestly surprised he hasn't died of a heart attack yet. The man is immensely overweight and I am no nutritional expert, but a diet of Twinkies, Big Mac hamburgers, and Coca Cola soda just cannot be conducive for good health!"

Nutritionist - "Actually sir! I am a nutritional expert and new studies have just come out that do in fact prove that a diet of Twinkies, Big Mac's, and Coca Cola soda is absolutely conducive for good health. How dare you spew such lies out of your mouth...(Scoffs) And you have the audacity to stand up there in front of a room full of students and call yourself a teacher. How dare you, I repeat, HOW-DARE-YOU!? These bright-eyed children are eager to learn, to grasp real, true knowledge of what will help them succeed in the world. Like knowing that Jupiter is the 5th planet from the Sun, that the square root of 64 is 8, and that the male argonaut octopus throws his penis at the female in order to reproduce, and then dies shortly after this act because he is depressed that he just lost his manhood. These are facts that children need to know in order to thrive in this harsh world that you sir, call a jungle! But instead, you are spewing lies, utter lies!"

(All the students cheer, and one brave student decides to stand on top of his desk and speak).

Student 1 (standing on desk) - "Oh captain my captain." (Salutes the Nutritionist)

Student 2 (standing on desk)- "Oh captain my captain." (Salutes the Nutritionist)

Student 3 (standing on desk) - "Oh captain my captain." (Salutes the Nutritionist)

(All the students stand up on their desks and say in unison)- "Oh captain my captain!" (They salute the Nutritionist)

(The Nutritionist sticks their tongue out at the teacher and stands their boldly basking in the admiration.)

Teacher (upset) - "Well guess what fuck faces?"

Students (in unison) - "Correction, we are anarchists!"

Teacher - "Okay, well guess what you fuck face anarchists, you are all receiving F's in the course. Class dismissed."

THE END