The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

The Conversation

Man – "Birds, birds, these damn birds keep tapping on my window. Why must they chirp and squawk? Pipe down you damn birds!"

Birds are outside chirping and squawking, "Squaaaaaaddddd!"

Man 2 – "I do not hear any chirping, I think you are going insane friend."

Man – "Are your ears out of tune? How are you not aware of the chirps and squawks of these nasty, devilish creatures? They will not cease, they will not yield, they will not falter! They are persistent little vermin with wings. Yuck! The devil take them, or I will spit on them."

Man 2 – "Will you actually spit on them? That sounds quite grotesque, and also extremely unnecessary."

Man – "Oh, and you don't do things that are grotesque? Should I mention the summer in Cancun in 1999?

Man 2 (eyes wide and gasps) – "You wouldn't dare..."

Man (confidently sassy) – "Oh, I would dare. I even took pics, so you know it happened."

Man 2 – "I'm calling your bluff."

Man – "Okay, your funeral." (pulls out his cell phone) "I just posted the pictures on Facebook."

Man 2 (greatly agitated) – "W.T.F.! I can't believe you just did that. How dare you! We cannot be friends anymore!" (pulls out his cell phone)

Man – "You wouldn't dare!"

Man 2 (fiendishly satisfied) – "Yep, I just dared and unfriended your ass."

Man – "Add me back, jerk."

Man 2 (puts his phone back into his pocket) – "Nope."

Man (on his cell phone) – "I just sent you a friend request, please add me back."

Man 2 – "No, fuck you."

Man – "Why must you be so petty?"

Man 2 – "Why must you be so ugly?"

Man – "Now you are just being hurtful and rude."

Man 2 – "You are rude, you spit on birds!"

Man – "You pooped on a chimichanga!"

Man 2 – "It was a dare!...And I was younger then."

Man – "Hey, do you remember that one time?"

Man 2 – "What one time?"

Man – "You know, that one time. When the time was one."

Man 2 – "Oh yeah! That was a great time."

Man (smiles and looks up joyfully reminiscing) – "It was the best of times...Ahhh, I remember it like it was just yesterday."

Man 2 – "You were standing there, with your hair, looking like a square, and we were in your lair."

Man – "Yes, and you brought me my favorite beer, as well as a tuna sandwich that was quite delicious I must say."

Man 2 – "Yes, and you kissed a tree with your tuna and beer breath."

Man – "I wanted to be more than just a tree hugger, I wanted to be...a tree kisser."

Man 2 – "Well you succeeded my friend."

Man – "That I did, that I did."

Man 2 (smiles and delightfully reminisces) – "Ahhhh...such good times."

Man (smiling) – "Such great times."

Man 2 – "Great times indeed...Hey, whatever happened to Ava?"