The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

Jack and The Tall Plant

There once was a plant who liked to party. It grew so tall that it reached the clouds. One day, a child began to climb it, his name was Jack.

Jack said, "I have been looking long and hard all over this planet trying to find a beanstalk like this."

The plant said, "Kid, I am not a beanstalk! I am a respectable plant. Now get off me!"

Jack ignored the plant's demands and continued his climb. Jack said, "I'm not going to listen to a plant. I'm on an adventure, an adventure to find a giant, and I read that giants can found on top of beanstalks. Plus I need to meet this giant before my frenemy James finds a giant peach, we sort of have a bet."

The plant replied, "Fair enough. Well you can climb up me if you bring me some booze. You see, I like to party!"

Jack said, "I'm a child, I can't buy alcohol."

The plant responded, "Not my problem! Either bring me alcohol, or find another giant plant to climb."

Jack leaped off the plant and said, "Fine! I'll go get alcohol then. Wait right here, I will be back."

Jack then went home and needed his father to fall asleep. It wasn't challenging to accomplish this task, Jack just put on baseball and the father was asleep before the 2nd inning. He then opened up the fridge and saw the cans of Budweiser. He grabbed as many cans as he could stuff into his backpack. He then grabbed his slingshot to shoot a giant with, and ran back to the plant.

Jack returned to the plant and said, "Hey Plant! I got your booze! Can I climb up you now to slay the giant?"

The plant was astonished, he said, "Wow, I am impressed. That didn't take you long at all...but yes, proceed with your adventure and please bring the booze up here so you can dump it into my mouth."

Jack began to climb the plant with the backpack full of beer. As he climbed and climbed he began to grow tired, and his backpack was feeling more and more heavy with each gradation.

The plant yelled at the kid, "Hurry up kid! I'm hella thirsty, and I hate being sober! I can't be fully aware of my wretched existence, its too much to bear. Can you climb up me any faster?"

Jack attempted to climb faster, but his arms gave out from exhaustion. Jack then collapsed to his death, and the beer cans exploded upon impact.

The plant cried out, "Nooooooo! My beer! How am I supposed to party now?"

The End