The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

Ponyboy at the Bar

Present time. In a neighborhood bar, a stylish and confident man from the neighborhood walks into the bar.

Man (pointing at a person) - "What's up playboy?" 

(pointing at another) "You good? You good?" 

(pointing at another) "How's it chilling? How's the baby mama? You know I be playin! Ha-ha" (claps his hands together and laughs cheerfully.) 

(Points to Ponyboy) "I ain't playin, when I say I ain't playin, and I ain't playin playboy!"

Ponyboy (slightly vexed) - "It's Pony-boy."

Man (befuddled) - "I thought it was Pony-man? I didn't know use was still a boy! I thought you grew out of diapers little Romeo."

Ponyboy - "Bruh, I ain't go through puberty yet. Sheeesh."

Man - "Tell me then, how the hell did you get into a bar?"

Ponyboy - "Fake ID...ever heard of one?"

Man (stroking his chin in contemplation) - "You do look old for your age."

Ponyboy - "Ya bruh! You thought I was a man. You crackalackin foo!"

Man (defensive) - "I don't do crack anymore! I switched to heroin. Well, pain pills first, but then doc cut me off so now I am shooting up street heroin."

Ponyboy (honestly curious) - "How is it?"

Man - "Phe-no-men-al."

Ponyboy - "Really?"

Man - "You ask too many questions boy!"

Ponyboy (more annoyed) - "It's Pony-boy!"

Man (apologetic) - "My sincerest apologies young chap, I mean, Pony-boy."

Ponyboy (smiles) - "Gracias mi amigo."

Man - "De nada niño de caballo."

Ponyboy - "I'm not Horseboy! I'm Pony-boy."

Man - "I know, I know, calm down youngin... I just don't know how to say pony in Spanish."

Ponyboy - "Well you should have brought an English to Spanish Translation Dictionary you numb nuts."

Man (defensive) - "My nuts aren't numb! The nerves down there are working fine, thank you very much."

Ponyboy (Pulls out a magic wand) - "Expecto numb-inosis!" (casts the spell at the man's nuts/genitals.)

Man (feeling his nuts in dismay) - "What the...my nuts are now numb."

Ponyboy (haughtily grinning) - "Now you are officially a numb-nuts."

Man - "Can I at least be an officially certified numb-nuts? If my nuts are going to be numb, the least you can do for me is hand me an official certification. Something I can frame and hang up in my den or office."

Ponyboy - "I can hand you a yo-yo."

Man (perplexed) - "Why a yo-yo?"

Ponyboy - "Because I have one with me."

Man - "Where?"

Ponyboy - "In my pocket."

Man - "Why'd you bring a yo-yo to the bar?"

Ponyboy - "To do tricks."

Man - "You know how to do yo-yo tricks?"

The Trix Rabbit (suddenly pops out from a hat) - "Trix are for kids!"

Ponyboy (defensive) - "I am a kid!"

Man - "Wait, I thought you were a boy?"

Ponyboy - "A boy is a kid."

Man - "Nah...They don't possess the same letters. Do I need to introduce you to Alphabet Soup so you can learn the alphabet?"

Ponyboy - "No, I know my alphabet. Do you want to know why I do tricks or not?"

Man - "I wish to know."

Ponyboy - "Foolish wish in my judgment, but to each their own. Anyways, I do yo-yo tricks to pick up chicks."

Man (confused) - "A yo-yo isn't strong enough to pick up a full-grown woman."

Ponyboy - "Pick them up as to impress them enough so that they give me their number, or perhaps a smooch."

Man - "Interesting...Has it ever worked?"

Ponyboy - "Never. Well at least not yet! Tonight could be the night."

Man - "Have you thought about switching it up? Trying something other than a yo-yo. You know...A little remix to ignition? Hot and fresh out the kitchen? That playa-playa kind of thing."

Ponyboy - "No, because a yo-yo is all I know...Plus I took the yo-yo oath."

Man - "Which is?"

Ponyboy - "Here-yee, here-yee, we live and die by yo-yo-ing."

Man (chuckles with derision) - "Ha! You one wack mofo!"

Ponyboy (hurt, embarrassed, and upset) - "I can't stand you! Leave! I'm done talking to you. You are killing my game."

Man - "What game? There isn't any game to kill playboy! Ha!"

Ponyboy (shouts with rage) - "It's Ponyboy!!!"

Bar goes silent.

One woman says to another woman - "Weirdo."

THE END