The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

Cuddles

There once lived a couple who loved to cuddle. They called themselves the cuddle crew. The husband loved the wife. The wife loved the husband. They were two peas in a pod, or in this case, 2 human beings snuggled up in a down comforter from Ikea.

One night after watching a few episodes of "The Crown" on Netflix, the Indian food began to break down in the wife's stomach. Her stomach was rumbling, she knew a fart was about to emerge from her asshole. She never farted in front of him, so she was squeezing her ass cheeks together with all her might. All of those lunges and squats were going to prove their worth now. She squeezed tight and prayed that the gas would subside.

Her husband, noticing that his wife was creating some distance, pulled her closer and squeezed her too tight. The rank concoction that was stirring around in her digestive tract powerfully emerged.

BRRAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!......BRRRPPP!...PFFFF....pfff...

The terror on both their faces could not be masked, especially when they both came unto the realization that she not only farted, but she shit herself.

The smell alone could burn off the entire eyebrows of even Eugene Levy.

The husband was mortified because not only did he have to suffer through the smell, but his eyes caught glimpse of the lava-like shit oozing its way out of his wife's panties, and meandering gracefully down their white bed sheets.

He couldn't help it, he puked. He not only puked on the bed, but a great chunk of his puke landed in his wife's hair, intertwining with her once luscious curls.

She not only smelt the puke, but felt it settle in her hair. It was so foul that she could not help it, she vomited all over. The force exerted by her stomach muscles to launch the vomit out of her mouth pushed even more shit out of her asshole. This time the dark liquid diarrhea expelled out of her ass at a violently fast rate, spraying fecal matter as if it were bullets being shot out of a Gatling gun. It splattered all over their ivory white walls, creating a shit-splattered Jackson Pollock like painting, and the steaming hot liquid shit menacingly dripped down to their floor.

The husband in a state of sheer terror hopped out of bed, only to land directly in the newly formed "Lake Diarrhea."

He slipped on the wet and revolting puddle of shit, and smashed his head on the wooden nightstand. His head busted open, and a pool of blood began to drip from his skull.

His wife who had a problem with blood, for she always fainted in the sight of blood, fainted instantaneously and cracked her head open on the other wooden nightstand, and proceeded to bleed out.

Both the wife and the husband died from the traumatic loss of blood. They both were covered in blood, shit, and puke. As the cuddle crew did their best Romeo and Juliet impression, they took one last smelly shit, as they passed on from this life to the next. 

The End