The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

The Scarecrow

There once lived a Scarecrow who lived on a farm. He quite enjoyed the farm. He had an abundance of crops to eat. He even had farm animals for friends. He loved crows, he found them to be attractive, but the feelings were not reciprocated.

The crows despised the Scarecrow, they said, "How can we love you, you don't even have a brain!"

The Scarecrow cried out, "I do too have a brain!"

Babe the pig said, "Sorry to break the news to you Scarecrow, but you sir, do not have a brain."

Charlotte crawled from out of her spiderweb and said, "Sorry Scarecrow, your brains are just some pieces of straw. You are D.U.M Dumb...dumb, dumb, dumb! Oh boy you dumb!"

The farm animals laughed at the Scarecrow and one of the crows said, "I can't believe you thought I was going to date you."

Later that night, the Scarecrow wished upon a star after being inspired by the classic Disney film, Pinocchio. He wished for a brain.

The next day Dorothy appeared at his doorstep with her dog Toto. She said, "Hey Scarecrow! Are you ready for an adventure?"

The Scarecrow responded, "It's 5am in the morning, come back in 2 hours. I'm trying to get my beauty rest and by the looks of you, I would say you should get some too. You are U-G-L-Y and you damn sure don't have no alibi, bitch you ugly! Yeah! Yeah! You ugly!"

He then slammed the door on Dorothy's face and shouted through the door, "Trust me, your face needed some arrangement. You're welcome!"

Dorothy did not return because the Scarecrow scared her away with his rude and offensive words.

The Scarecrow was dejected and upset that Dorothy did not return. He gave up hope and decided he was going to be evil from now on.

He logged on to Google that evening and looked up the most popular superhero in the world, and the search results showed, Batman.

The Scarecrow then said, "Okay then, so be it, Batman... prepare to die."

The Scarecrow then went on to Google Maps and typed in, Batman's Secret Lair. Google Maps gave him an address and when he zoomed in on the satellite image, he saw Bruce Wayne typing in the code to his secret lair.

The Scarecrow said, "HA! This is too easy.... And they said I didn't have a brain."

The following day the Scarecrow arrived at Batman's lair and typed in the code and voila, it worked! He then played the waiting game.

Batman strolled in with two women wrapped around his arms saying to them, "Trust me you wouldn't like Robin, he can't get it up."

The Scarecrow emerged from the darkness and shouted, "Boo!"

Batman instinctively threw a punch and popped the Scarecrow in the face.

The Scarecrow collapsed from the blow.

Batman grabbed the Scarecrow by the collar and said, "Where's Rachel?!"

The Scarecrow bewildered, replied, "Who?"

Batman punched the Scarecrow in the face a second time. "Pow! Right in the kissa!" He shouted with glee. Then he asked the question once again, "Where's Rachel!?"

The Scarecrow cried out, "I don't know!"

Batman punched him again, "Liar!"

The Scarecrow shrieked and pleaded with Batman, "I promise I don't know! I don't know anything, I don't have a brain! Please stop punching me!"

Batman stopped and looked at the Scarecrow with sympathy. "Wow, so you don't have a brain you say?"

The Scarecrow whimpering said, "Nope....J. Cole was right when he said cold world."

Batman replied, "Yes this world is quite cold, Gotham City is full of crime and it's so cold that I must wear a jacket when I step outside."

The Scarecrow said, "I'm sorry Batman. I was just angry that everyone was mean to me, so I tried to take my revenge out on all of them by killing their favorite superhero, aka you. I was hoping it would be Superman, but of course everyone hates that guy."

Batman replied, "Yeah I hate him too. I'm a superhero and I tried to kill that boring bastard!"

The two shared a laugh.

Batman continued to speak, "You know what, you aren't too bad. You could make a formidable sidekick. You definitely already surpass Robin, that guy is trash."

The Scarecrow replied, "Yeah I've always been curious, out of all the people in the world you could choose to be your sidekick, why Robin?"

Batman replied, "He is Alfred's grandson so I kind of just had to say yes and I don't have it in me to let him die. Plus he kind of grows on you, he's a nice kid. He also makes the best nutella crepes."

The Scarecrow replied, "I love nutella crepes!"

Batman said, "I have some in the kitchen, c'mon! C'mon girls let's eat some nutella crepes. All of us, together!"

The Scarecrow shouted, "Yippee!!!!"

As the Scarecrow was walking to the kitchen, the Wizard of Oz suddenly appeared and slapped the Scarecrow in the face, "How dare you call Dorothy ugly! She is an American beauty!" The Wizard bellowed.

Batman karate chopped the Wizard and the Wizard began crying, "Why did you do that Batman!? I'm telling on you!" The Wizard than scurried out the door while sobbing.

The following day, every news outlet announced, "Batman assaults a Wizard!"

People were unsettled by this news they clamoured, "How could you Batman! I loved you, we thought you were one of the good ones! Shame!!!!!"

Batman then retired from superhero life and joined Mr. Incredible in living in secret.

The Scarecrow was crestfallen because now with Batman being retired, he could no longer be a sidekick, instead he had to return to the farm.

The animals said, "Well well well, look who came crawling back, the bozo!"

Charlotte said, "Hey dumb dumb, you want a dum-dum?"

The Scarecrow replied, "Actually yes I would, a lollipop would cheer me up right now."

Years went by as the Scarecrow wasted away his life on the farm until one day a tornado flew into town and ripped his straw body apart. The tornado also made the rest of the animals, Dorothy, Toto, the crops and the entire farm itself its victims as it destroyed and killed them all.

The End