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The Hungry Chimpanzee

There once lived a Hungry Chimpanzee who loved bananas. He really enjoyed all the health benefits that came along with this delicious fruit. He ate a banana every single day.

One day he went to the supermarket and noticed that the price of bananas unexpectedly rose. He was furious, he spoke to an employee. The employee said, "Sorry brah, tariffs are causing prices to rise. Talk to them about it, I'm supposed to be on my lunch break."

The Hungry Chimpanzee still irate, spent all night doing research and discovered where the tariffs were located.

The following day, the Hungry Chimpanzee arrived at the tariffs' location. He knocked on their front door and was greeted by a friendly tariff, the tariff said, "Hello, how may I assist you?"

The Hungry Chimpanzee said, "By lowering the price of bananas."

The tariff said, "I am not in charge of that department, please come in."

The Hungry Chimpanzee noticed that the tariffs all had price guns and were shooting numerous products of all sorts, causing these products to raise in price. He was horrified by these weapons of mass destruction. "God help us all." He said utterly frightened.

The tariff led the Hungry Chimpanzee to an office and said, "Take a seat and wait right here, our lead tariff will be with you shortly...Would you like some water? A snack perhaps?"

The Hungry Chimpanzee was hungry and was craving a banana so he responded by saying, "Yes, I would love a banana, thanks!"

The tariff brought the Hungry Chimpanzee a banana.

Before the Hungry Chimpanzee ate the banana, the lead tariff walked in and asked, "Hello, what seems to be the problem?"

The Hungry Chimpanzee said, "You are raising the price of bananas, may you please lower the price."

The lead tariff said, "I will not be able to grant you that request, sorry. Now please get the fuck out of my office, I have emails to ignore, and Facebook posts to read."

The Hungry Chimpanzee, not having eaten all day, reached the stage of being Hangry, and transformed into the terrifying Hangry Chimpanzee. He gripped the banana and threw the banana with deadly speed and accuracy as it pierced through the eye of the lead tariff. The lead tariff screamed in agony and then died.

The other tariffs witnessed this and were petrified. They handed the Hangry Chimpanzee a cluster of bananas and promised to no longer raise the price of his beloved bananas.

The Hangry Chimpanzee left satisfied.

The Hungry Chimpanzee went back to the supermarket a week later to buy some more bananas, but to his great dismay, the bananas rose in price once again!

The Hungry Chimpanzee, in complete shock, found an employee and said, "Why did the price of bananas rise again? I killed the lead tariff, this doesn't make any sense!"

The employee said, "Labor shortages combined with a small harvest...sorry brah."

The Hungry Chimpanzee transformed into the Hangry Chimpanzee and grabbed the overpriced banana and hurled it through the eye of the employee. The employee clutched his eye, fell to his knees, and cried out in pain from the affliction. The Hangry Chimpanzee then grabbed a cluster of bananas and walked out the store.

The End