The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

The Flying Corpse

There once was a corpse who flew from place to place. He wore a black robe and a bowtie. He made sure his robe was made from some of the finest linen known to man. He loved the way the linen felt on his skin. He would say, "YOWZA that feels really, really stupendous on my dead and lifeless skin. YIPPEE!"

One day he flew into a pantry. The pantry was warm, he felt nice inside of it because of its warmth. He said, "Ahhhhh nice and toasty just like I like it."

Then one day, while the corpse was mindlessly watching television on his couch and stuffing his face with a bowl of sugar-packed cereal, a cookie monster appeared and farted. His fart blew out remnants of chocolate chip cookies. These cookies landed in the corpse's cereal, unbeknownst to the corpse, he just continued to mindlessly eat and watch the television.

The cookie monster proclaimed with great exuberance, "Coooookie crisp!" After feeling that immense elation one feels when expelling out a relieving and thunderous fart.

This is how cookie crisp cereal was created, it was the fart remnants from the cookie monster's asshole.

They say some of the best inventions occur by accident.

I would say that is correct. All my years of service to this great nation I contributed my expertise, I expelled my wisdom, I incorporated the corporations to feel...incorporated.

I love and I live. I live to love. I love to live. "What a time to be alive," the rapper Drake once said, he wasn't lying. I knew he wasn't because his nose did not grow.

One can tell if someone is lying by their nose growing, facts. Science shows one's blood rushes to their nose if they are lying causing it to grow slightly. So indeed, one's nose does grow like Pinocchio if they are lying.

Anyways, after the corpse ate his fart-scented, chocolate chip cereal he then flew to his place of work and clocked in a tad bit late.

"Yolo" he stated. Meaning, You Only Live Once, and he should know... since he lived and then he died, and was now a corpse, meaning he only lived once.

After work, he went home and turned on the tele, and decided to watch his favorite show in which he loved so much.

While watching the show, the fart cereal began to cause some disturbance to his digestive system. Feeling worried, the corpse said, "Oh-oh, Spaghetti-O!"

Upon hearing this, the cookie monster suddenly appeared once more and farted in the can of Spaghettios the corpse had in his pantry.

The corpse was perturbed and said, "What in the bloody h-e- double hockey stick was that noise?"

The cookie monster quickly dashed out the door, farting on each step, crop dusting the entrance to the front door.

The corpse was horrified by the stench.

Him, being a corpse, was rarely scared of anything since he had seen death, but this stench was something of another sort of evil, it churned his stomach; it caused him to shriek in agony... and horror!

He died a second time from the stench, defying the laws of YOLO. He lived twice and died twice!

News of this reached the scientific community. They decided to invent a new acronym - YOLT (You Only Live Twice)...unless you are a cat, supposedly you have 9 lives...also if you are Mario in any of the Super Mario games, depending on the skill of the player you can have a multitude of lives.

Anyways, the End