The Greatest Myths, Legends, Fables, Fairy Tales, & Short Stories Ever Told.

Boredom

There once lived a child who said the word, "Boring," to anything and everything. After films, sporting events, firework shows and even after roller coaster rides! The child would perform the following pattern: he would proceed to cross his arms, stomp his feet firmly on the ground, throw his head from left to right and vehemently proclaim, "BORRRRINNNG!!!"

The parents of the child could not comprehend what was wrong with him. They said, "You are a child! The world should be fun to you!"

The child said, "The world is.....BOOOOORRRRRIIINNNNGGG!!!"

They then decided to take him to the doctor. They told the doctor, "There is something gravely wrong with our son. He can't seem to find any sort of excitement or amusement from life. He says the whole world is boring! Doctor, please tell us you can help!"

The doctor replied by speaking to the boy, "Son is this true? Do you really not find anything in life even the slightest bit amusing."

The boy yawned and said, "You're boring!"

The doctor looked extremely concerned and said to the parents, "This is far worse than I thought, but I think I may know of a solution. Go down to the pharmacy at once! I just prescribed your son some MDMA."

The prescription read, Go to a music festival and take 1 to 2 pills. Down the pills with some lukewarm Coors-Light beer, afterwards only drink water from a stranger's Camelbak hydration pack.

The parents inquisitively said, "That is oddly specific, but who are we to question a doctor's authority."

The next day, the parents took their son to the popular music festival, EDC. The boy followed the prescription instructions exactly and while he was peaking on the drugs, his parents asked him, "Art thou feeling it now son?"

The boy replied, "I'm with my parents at a music festival.... how in the hell is that going to be fun?! No drug in the world will make that fun. This is BOOOOORRRRRIIIINNGGGGGG!"

The parents were irritated and said, "Fine give us the drugs!" The parents took the drugs and had a blast, while the child sat there with his arms crossed moping. Occasionally shouting, "This is BOOORRRRINNNNNGGG!!"

When the festival concluded, the child logged on to his Twitter account and posted the status, "Just went to EDC, only one word can describe the event and that one word is, BORING!"

The next day the child was sitting in class bored out of his mind. He had no energy, so he decided to drink a 5-Hour Energy Shot but that did not work. He then drank two Monster Energy drinks but that did not work either. He then drank three shots of espresso but still to no avail.

Then suddenly, King Kong and Godzilla began fighting outside the school! Everyone ran outside to watch the fight, they were all captivated by the display except for the child.

After King Kong ripped Godzilla's head off, the crowd cheered except for the child. The child crossed his arms, stomped his feet firmly on the ground, threw his head from left to right and emphatically proclaimed, "BOOOOOOORRRRRINNNNNGGGG!!!!!!"

The child then died of boredom...or a heart attack from all the caffeine he drank within one hour....or from the fact that King Kong was upset that he called him boring so he decided to rip the child's head off. My professional opinion would be that the child died from boredom. 

The End