I am not very good with words. I am not very good with many things. I thought that maybe I would never find a reason for existing. But there you were. I remember it all so vividly. I didn't really know why I had let my friends drag me to that party that night but now i'm glad that I ended up going. You looked so beautiful. You looked like you didn't belong there so maybe that's why you stood out so much.
But I knew that in that moment, when our eyes finally met that I was fucked. You looked so pure and almost too angelic to even be real. I remember trying to swallow the knot in my throat as I approached you. Our eyes had not left each other for a single second. You looked up at me with those honey brown eyes I grew to adore.
"Are you alone?" I asked
"No.. Well.. My friends left me," You said quietly.
I hated your friends for doing that to you. But I also couldn't help but be thankful to them. If you wouldn't have been alone, then maybe we would've never gotten the chance to meet. Do you ever think about that? I think about these things way too often. Maybe that's why everyone thinks I'm crazy. Maybe I am crazy. I always imagine the what ifs. I always wonder how different things would be if certain things would've happen differently. It eats me up. It really does.
I'm sorry I get angry easily. I'm sorry I got so mad when that guy tried to flirt with you at Marc's party. I know I get jealous over everything. I know you've told me a billion times I need to change that. It makes us argue often and I think we both know that neither of us enjoys arguing.
Do you remember the first time we kissed? I wish it would've been more romantic. School dances where never my thing. But you made that night fun. I didn't realize how handsome you could look in a suit. I fell in love with you that night if I am being honest. You looked like everything I had ever dreamed of. I couldn't believe that God had blessed me with someone so perfect. I am always thanking him like a maniac for letting me meet you. For letting me get to love you.
I know that I am not a perfect human. I am not a perfect friend or a perfect lover. I am not a perfect anything but I am just so happy that you decided to overlook all of that because you are perfect. And I am not just saying this to say it. You truly are perfect. Your soft voice and your small hands. Your pouty lips and those brown eyes. Your pitch black hair and soft skin. I always wonder just how the heck god managed to come up with a human so perfect. I wonder why god would ever think that I am worthy of someone like you. Someone who loves so deeply and so selflessly.
I am angry with you, though. You have not come to visit me, Leo. And every time our friends come they say the craziest things to me. Can you believe them? They keep saying you are dead. I should kill them for saying something so crazy right? If you were dead I don't know what I would do honestly. Leo, I know that you are busy but please come see me whenever you have the chance to. Take me out of here. I am tired of these white walls and all this silly medicine that makes me dizzy.
//////
"how is he?"
"Cristiano is still struggling with accepting that Lionel is gone. He will continue to struggle.. I don't know for how much longer but I don't think that it will change anytime soon. His condition just keeps getting worse."
Cristiano's family sighed. They felt hopeless. Cristiano wasn't getting better and nothing was helping him.
"If only they had never gone to that party," his mother cries out.
"Please, love.. Let's stay positive. Cristiano will heal from this."
Cristiano and his boyfriend, Lionel had gone to a party a Friday night. Sadly, on their way back home they got into a car crash. Cristiano was okay. His boyfriend, Lionel, in the other hand did not survive the accident. Cristiano entered a traumatic state of shock and could not accept his lover's death. It had been over a year and he was still writing Lionel letters, asking, begging him to please take him home. He'd spend his days writing love letters to Lionel, complaining how everyone would say he was gone but Cristiano could not accept that.
He didn't understand why everyone was being so cruel to him. It wasn't funny. He knew that Lionel was just busy with classes and that he really needed to focus on that for now. But Cristiano knew that he would come visit him soon.
