I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. I don't know when this happened. But it did. And I'm sorry that you couldn't save me. I told you that I would break your heart, and you, like a fool, accepted your fate so quickly. I guess love makes you do crazy things like falling in love with someone who's clearly no good for you. But see, the thing is, it was all my fault. I should've never said yes in the first place. But I think it's too late to take it back now. I could never want to take it back though.
You made me feel so alive. You made me feel like I was worth something. At times, I would think that I wasn't in love with you, but with the idea that someone loved me. Maybe it was like that for a second. But when I saw you hurt, I hurt too. And when I heard your sweet and Melodic laughter, I was happy. I had never felt like that ever before. So the feeling was scary. But still, I jumped. I jumped into your love. And I can't say that I regret it for a second. I'll never regret giving you my heart, my love, myself.
Leo, do you hate me? I wonder if you do. I hate me too, so it's okay. I'm sorry I'm so weak. I'm just too tired. And I think that this is already getting too long. I was never good with feelings and expressing them freely. I'm sorry. I suck, I know. I just.. I love you okay? Don't forget me.
love, Neymar
_____
"Is he okay?" Leo asks with puffy red eyes
"They said that he's stable.. But .. He looks so pale.." Neymar's sister says softly
"He'll be okay right ?" Lionel asks with a shaky voice
"Neymar lost a lot of blood and in taking the pills .. It just.. It was too much.. They're not sure.. He hasn't woken up.."
"Don't worry Rafa.. He'll be okay."
Lionel didn't even trust his own words. Neymar had been depressed ever since the moment he laid eyes on him. But he never knew that things could go so far. He holds the small letter tightly.
"Don't die on me, Ney. I'll die too."
___
"You can visit but not for long.. He's still sleeping.. "
Lionel nods. He walks in and falls to his knees as soon as he sees the state of his lover.
"Hi, Ney," he says smiling
"You look disgusting," he laughs
"Gosh! You really did it this time didn't you. They said that it'd be a miracle if you actually wake up. You're so crazy! Who gave you those pills Ney? "
"Why do you wanna die? Don't you care about me? Don't you understand that this would kill me too? Huh?! Tell me!!! What the fuck am I??!?? What am I that I'm not a thought in your head anymore !? I care so much about you. Why do you do this? This hurts me too you know. Seeing you hurt hurts me. Please... Don't leave me."
"Why am I crying? This doesn't help."
"Please don't die."
"I'll miss you."
"Ugh. I hate crying.. I'm such a mess,"
"I can see."
Lionel looks up. A soft smile appears on his tear stained face.
"Hi," he says happily
"Hello,"
_\\
Idk man it's 2 am and I can't sleep.
